The cars on this list are not as cool as people think. There are only a few situations that it's acceptable to drive them. 1.) It's the only car available during a zombie infestation. 2.) It is the car driven by the very drunk person you're trying to take home for sex. 3.) Your regular car was destroyed in a volcano eruption, and someone left the keys in the ignition one of these.
10.) The Mini Cooper
This car is small...it's so small that the company found it necessary to toss the word "Mini" into it's name. I'm sure that when this car came out, you heard plenty of girls describing it with words like "cute" and "adorable." They even tried giving it some masculinity in The Italian Job, but the Mini Cooper just ended up looking like a she-man softball player.
What's so lame about it?
Not only does it follow in an obnoxious trend of mixing retro styles with the contemporary, but it's been covered with annoying safety features that go beyond the minimal amount, and into the realm of "I'm trying to look bad ass but I wouldn't drive this car if it was dangerous."
Who drives this?:
Europeans, 40-50 year old women recently divorced by their husbands for younger women.
9.) Volkswagen Beetle
This car has always been pretty lame. The following conversation has never happened: "Dude, your Beetle is bad-ass. I'd like to see those skinheads mess with us now."
What's so lame about it?
While the original is actually pretty sweet and can make you look like a 1970s era British secret agent, the NEW Beetle can do nothing to make you look bad ass.
Who drives this?
Sorority girls, women in the Oprah book club
8.) Pontiac Sunfire
This has happened to everyone: For a split second, you look at the Sunfire, and think it's a much cooler car. Then your friend slaps you in the face, and you think him/her for bringing you back down to reality.
What's so lame about it?
This car is the ultimate cock-tease of an automobile. Its design isn't terrible, but its the name. Sunfire? By itself, the Sun is pretty cool, and everyone loves a good fire, but when you put them together, you get an emasculating blend of lameness that comes in your choice of two or four doors.
Who drives this?
Frat guys, 16-19 year old girls
7.) Chevy Cobalt
Ever since this guy hit the market, girls have been getting their dads to buy/lease it for them in ridiculous numbers. On the outside, they don't seem too bad, but for whatever reason, they're not that cool. It's like The Shins, you think you're cool for liking them, but in reality, you're just a follower.
What's so lame about it?
Chevy stopped producing the Cavalier for this joint. That's right, this guy is the replacement for one of the lamest cars of all time**. That's gotta hurt. It's like being the equally as uncool replacement for Jar-Jar Binks.
Who drives this?
Girls that play soccer, Italian Americans.
**The Cavalier is not on this list because no one thinks it's cool.
6.) Chrysler PT Cruiser
Remember when the PT Cruiser came out? Everyone shit their pants in a ridiculously excited fervor, only to realize "Hey, this car blows ass" on the way home from the dealership. Too bad your car is half as valuable when you drive it off the lot. Oops. Don't worry, millions of Americans were in your shoes, as car dealerships were forced to go as far as to put people on waiting lists to accomodate all the lame-o's who thought this car would help them connect with their teenagers. "Well, he wears vintage t-shirts, so he'll love this car!" Wrong.
What's so lame about it?
Odds are if you're driving this car, you're rushing home to catch the showcase showdown on The Price Is Right. It's the car that people see and say "Oh that's cute!" And then if you ask if they would want one, they go "Ugh no way."
Who drives this?
The easily influenced, parents enduring a mid-life crisis.
5.) Honda Del Sol
The Honda Del Sol? Del Sol, meaning "of the sun"? They're implying that it's a convertible, bitch. And if that's not cool enough, it had two whole seats so you could pick up one other person who didn't mind riding in the world's lamest convertible!
What's so lame about it?
It's the sun thing again! What is it about naming cars after the sun that makes it so lame? Also, it's super tiny...like a chihuaha. This is the ankle biter of automobiles.
Who drives this?
Asian guys who live in Malibu.
4.) Mitsubishi Eclipse
Ahh, the Mitsubishi Eclipse. This car might be the best at fooling you into thinking it's cool. It's got everything. A grill, convertible, sleek design. But guess what? It isn't cool. Leave it at that.
What's so lame about it?
This is getting weird. First the Sunfire, then the Del Sol, and now the Eclipse. At this point, it's becoming obvious that if you want to make your car super lame, name it after something Sun related. Although, there IS such thing as a Lunar eclipse, but if you name your car after the moon, it's even lamer.
Who drives this?
Girls at the beach, or on their way to it. Expect to hear a lot of techno music coming from it.
3.) Toyota Yaris
Marketing executive: Ok people, we need a name for our new car, and we need it fast. Let's hear it, Johnson.
Johnson (who has been stung by 45 bees in the mouth on his way to the office): (inaudible mumbling)
Marketing executive: Yaris? Did I hear Yaris? My God Johnson, you're a genius.
Pretty sure that's how this lame-mobile got its name.
What's so lame about it?
Man, the name of this car is lame. Also, look at it. It's like the Beetle and the Cruiser had a limbless child...with a lisp.
Who drives this?
Douchy mid to upper 20s guys who work middle management and couldn't afford a Mazda 3.
2.) Chevrolet HHR
Just look at this thing. What is it? A fatter, lamer version of the PT Cruiser? Clearly Chevy is attempting to cash in on the popularity of Chrysler's design, but they made it uglier, which isn't easy to do, at all.
What's so lame about it?
HHR stands for Heritage High Roof. Interesting. It might as well be "Holy Hell....Retarded." Well, something like that. Any suggestions? Anyway, the name alone exceeds the lameness of this car.
Who drives this?
People who live in the South who like the Cruiser, but hate to conform to the elitist liberalism of the Chrysler company.
1.) Mazda Miata
The Mazda Miata is the car that knocks on the door of the cool car party, while the cool cars inside the party turn off all the lights and hope he goes away...but he never does.
What's so lame about it?
This car is #1 because it's insanely close to being cool, but it isn't, and that makes it even more lame, somehow. It looks sort of similar to the Triumph Spitfire and the Lotus Elan, but it just isn't nearly as cool. It's tough to describe, but if the Miata was the youngest brother of the Mannings, it would be the one that took tap-dancing lessons and listened to Cher.
Who drives this?
The "cool" English teacher.