We here at Campus Squeeze try to remain within the parameters of political correctness. Today we feel it is our duty to breach those boundaries for the sake of informing our readers.

5. Anna Nicole Smith

First inflate 2 large balloons and insert underneath a wife beater, apply bright pink lipstick, wear blonde wig. Secondly, vomit down your shirt. If you cannot make yourself vom, have your bulimic floor-mate help you out. Finally, snort everything around you then yell loudly and behave crazily all night.

4. Senator Larry Craig

Paint a large refrigerator box a dark color or silver. Stand inside the box so only the last half of your legs show. Drop your pants around your ankles and surreptitiously kick a foot under the “stall” throughout the evening.

3. Michael Vick

Purchase a Vick jersey (or dig one out of a local dumpster). Purchase a stuffed animal dog (any breed). Repeatedly bash the dog against the floor, strangle it, and stomp on it throughout the night.

2. Brittney Spears’ Privates

Dress up in cream (or pink) colored clothing and staple bologna all over yourself. Also use some roast beef around your outer portions to get the full effect.

1. Kevin Everett

Borrow a wheelchair from the disabled kid in your Bio class. Apply bandages all over your body, including a neck brace and fake “casts” if you can find them. If you want to guarantee recognition, wear an Everett jersey.

Now go out and enjoy your Halloween in a perfectly PC costume.