MAY
15

The 64 Manliest Movies To Date


This list compiles movie with men doing manly things like crushing skulls,  pillaging cities, slaying beasts, conquering women and saving the world.  We took a look at manly movies a bit differently than some other people out there and awarded man-points to movies with sex scenes, bloody action and intellectual prowess.  Some determining factors that could lower a movie are excessive man parts on camera, cheesy storylines, sappy romance and lack of female nudity.  Together this list features the 64 of the manliest movies ever produced.

64. The Usual Suspects

Usual Suspects Movie

Why It's On The List:
Spacey mentally thrashes the police by creating a bullsh*t story that only a man could pull off.  A mental beatdown of epic proportions.

Memorable Man Quote:
Verbal: The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.

63. Blazing Saddles

blazing saddles movie

Why It's On The List:
It had the balls to mock every stereotype out there, including the Irish. The humor can only be enjoyed by males .. ie farting.

Memorable Man Quote:
Olson Johnson: What are we made of? Our fathers came across the prairies... fought Indians... fought drought, fought locusts, fought Dix... remember when Richard Dix tried to take over this town? Well we didn't give up then... and by God, we're not gonna give up now!

62. Army of Darkness

army of darkness movie

Why It's On The List:
Bruce Campbell.  More specifically, Bruce Campbell with a chainsaw for an arm mowing down an army of the dead.  woof.

Memorable Man Quote:
Old Woman: I'll swallow your soul!
Ash: Come get some.

61. Lord of War

Lord of War Movie

Why It's On The List:
Nick Cage is married to Bridget Moynahan and is running around the country dealing arms to warlords.  That could be one of the manliest sentences ever.

Memorable Man Quote:
Yuri Orlov: The first and most important rule of gun-running is: Never get shot with your own merchandise.

60. The Warriors

The warriors movie

Why It's On The List:
This fantasy-like gang movie pits rival gangs against one another after the assassination of a gang member.  An original American gang movie.

Memorable Man Quote:
Cowboy: [winded] I can't make it.
Ajax: Are you sure?
Cowboy: Yes, I'm sure...
Ajax: Well, good! I'm sick of runnin' from these wimps!

59. Texas Chainsaw Massacre [remake]

Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Why It's On The List:
This remake featured gnarly deaths, smoking hot chicks and an insane murderer.  Jessica Biel puts this remake over the original in terms of manliness.

Memorable Man Quote:
Andy: Well I guess that's what brains look like... Sort of like... Lasagna... Kind of... Okay, I'll shut up now.

58. Fear of Loathing in Las Vegas

Fear of Loathing

Why It's On The List:
While not overly violent, this movie depicts the ultimate week-long drug binge that two men go on without a care in the world.

Memorable Man Quote:
Raoul Duke: You can turn your back on a person, but, never turn your back on a drug. Especially when it's waving a razor sharp hunting knife in your eye.

57. Porky's

Porky's

Why It's On The List:
High school kids getting thrown out of bars and watching girls shower and sex jokes.  Need we say more?

Memorable Man Quote:
Pee Wee Morris: Yeah, that's just how I like 'em!
Mickey: You like 'em as long as they ain't dead.
Pee Wee Morris: I don't care if they're dead as long as they ain't too cold.

56. Goldfinger

Goldfinger 007 James Bond

Why It's On The List:
It is the best of the old school Bond movies, it features Sean Connery, a woman by the name of "Pussy Galore"  and a little-person - Oddjob.  All the critical elements for mantertainment.

Memorable Man Quote:
James Bond:  [taps girl on rear] "Run along now, man talk."

55. Batman

Batman-1- Original Batman

Why It's On The List:
The original Tim Burton movie features Jack Nicholson shredding it on screen as the joker and Michelle Phiffer in her prime.  Those were the good old days of Batman before the batsuit got nipples.

Memorable Man Quote:
Batman: I'm not going to kill you. I want you to do me a favor. I want you to tell all your friends about me.
Nic: What are you?
Batman:  I'm Batman.

54. CaddyShack

caddyshack

Why It's On The List:
Debauchery on the greens, boozing and female bashing run rampant in this classic golf movie.

Memorable Man Quote:
Al Czervik: You're a lot of woman, you know that? Yeah, wanna make 14 dollars the hard way?

53. Saw

Saw

Why It's On The List:
Gnarly deaths, brutal torture and the guy from Princess Bride help land this on the list.

Memorable Man Quote:
John: Congratulations. You are still alive. Most people are so ungrateful to be alive. But not you. Not anymore.

52. New Jack City

New Jack City

Why It's On The List:
This is a  gangster classic about Cops and Crack.  Wesley Snipes plays a cut-throat drug dealer,  and o yeah, Ice-T also stars in the movie as well. 

Memorable Man Quote:
Nick Peretti: Drugs ain't a black thing, or a white thing. It's a death thing. Death don't give a shit about color.

51. The Rock

The Rock

Why It's On The List:
Sean Connery, Nick Cage, Ed Harris on Alcatraz Island are some of the manliest things ever and they are all in this one movie.  Docked a few points for Stanley Goodspeed's effin monotony and the lack of nudity from Vanessa Marcil.

Memorable Man Quote:
Kid On Motorcycle: Hey man, you just f*cked up your Ferrari.
Stanley Goodspeed: It's not mine.
[steals motorcycle]
Stanley Goodspeed: And neither is this.

50. Unleashed

Unleashed

Why It's On The List:
Jet Li has a collar on like a dog, and when he has it taken off he stomps skulls.  A lot of skulls.  A kung-fu movie with a good plot line and excessive violence lands it on the list.

Memorable Man Quote:
Infirmier: So let me work this through one more time now; I don't pay you, and you take his collar off.
Bart: Correctomundo.
Infirmier: You take his collar off, he beats us all to death.

49. Lethal Weapon

Lethal Weapon

Why It's On The List:
The original movie was dark, violent and manly, just the way we like it.  The newer movies have too much comedy and tom foolery to make this list. 

Memorable Man Quote:
Riggs: 'You don't trust me at all, do you?'
Murtaugh: 'Well, I'll tell you what. You make it through tomorrow without killing anybody, especially me, or yourself, then I'll start trusting you.'
Riggs: 'Fair enough.'"

48. Blade

Blade

Why It's On The List:
Wesley Snipes runs around kicking the sh*t out of Vampires with a samurai sword.  That's right, a samurai sword.

Memorable Man Quote:
Blade: You better wake up. The world you live in is just a sugar-coated topping! There is another world beneath it - the real world. And if you want to survive it, you better learn to pull the trigger!

47. Seven Samurai

Seven Samurai

Why It's On The List:
This movie has inspired so many of the modern Kung Fu movies.  Seven masterless samurai protect a village from bad guys, and trounce theives all movie long.

Memorable Man Quote:
Kambei Shimada:  This is the nature of war. By protecting others, you save yourselves.

46. Running Man

Running Man

Why It's On The List:
The governator plays a cop who is put into a capital punishment TV game show, and ends up pounding on gladiators.

Memorable Man Quote:
Amber: They're running men. Last season's winners.
Fireball: No. Last season's losers.

45. Spartacus

 

Spartacus

Why It's On The List:
Spartacus is a slave that leads an uprising against his owners.  Slaves crushing their owners is up there on the man-scale.

Memorable Man Quote:
Antoninus: Are you afraid to die, Spartacus?
Spartacus: No more than I was to be born.

44.Terminator 2

Terminator 2

Why It's On The List:
The terminator comes back to take on a T-1000 and  battles all over Los Angeles.  Dropped mildly due to the excessive screaming of "I order you not to go!" at the end.

Memorable Man Quote:
John Connor: You just can't go around killing people.
The Terminator: Why?
John Connor: What do you mean why? 'Cause you can't.
The Terminator: Why?

43. Slap Shot

Slap Shot

Why It's On The List:
On ice minor league hockey thuggery at its best.  A classic sports movie.

Memorable Man Quote:
It's their rink, it's their ice, and it's their f*ckin' town. But tonight we got our fans with us!

42. Hard Boiled

Hard Boiled

Why It's On The List:
Arguably Chow Yun Fat's best kung fu flick.  Mix together John Woo, Chow Yun Fat, slow motion action scenes and plenty of ass-kicking  and you will end up with Hard Boiled, a movie that no woman could ever love.

Memorable Man Quote:
Superintendant Pang: Give a guy a gun, he thinks he's Superman. Give him two and he thinks he's God.

41. Under Siege

Under Siege

Why It's On The List:
Steven Segal.  Gary Busey.  Tommy Lee Jones.  A hat trick of manly men.

Memorable Man Quote:
Jordan Tate: You're not a cook.
Casey Ryback: Yeah, well... I also cook.

40. Dawn of the Dead

Dawn of the Dead

Why It's On The List:
A classic zombie movie where the dead come back and try to munch on brains.  Not only do the characters have to fight off flesh-eating zombies, but also a biker gang for extra manliness.

Memorable Man Quote:
Stephen: How many do you figure are already in?
Peter: Not too many. We'll get it all locked up, and then we're going on a hunt.

39. Grindhouse

Grind House

Why It's On The List:
Kurt Russell's car.  And zombies.  Points docked for strong female characters.

Memorable Man Quote:
Lt. Muldoon: Where are my men?
Abby: [throws a bag to Lt. Muldoon] I put several right here.
Lt. Muldoon: What the f*ck is this?
Abby: Their balls, sweetheart.

38. Indiana Jones: Raiders of the Lost Ark

Indiana Jones Raiders of the Lost Ark

Why It's On The List:
Indiana is held up by a man who is the ultimate swordsman and showcases his incredible skills.  Then Indy kills him with one bullet.  Technology is a b*itch.

Memorable Man Quote:
Indiana: You want to talk to God? Let's go see him together, I've got nothing better to do.

37. The Program

The Program

Why It's On The List:
One of the realist football movies out there.  Hard hitting, steroids, and Halle Berry vault this into the top 40.

Memorable Man Quote:
Alvin Mack: Let's open up a can of kick ass and kill 'em all, let the paramedics sort 'em out.

36. Animal House

Animal House

Why It's On The List:
It is the ultimate fraternity movie, and stars John Belushi in his heyday.

Memorable Man Quote:
D-Day: We have an old saying in Delta House: don't get mad, get even.

35. Conan the Barbarian

Conan The Barbarian

Why It's On The List:
Arnold Schwarzenegger plays a barbarian who uses all kinds of weapons to slays savage beasts, wizards, witches and valkyries.

Memorable Man Quote:
Conan's Father: For no one - no one in this world can you trust. Not men, not women, not beasts. This you can trust.

34. Demolition Man

Demoltion man

Why It's On The List:
Sly Stallone faces off against Wesley Snipes in a futuristic battle When not smashing each other's faces in, the audience gets to look at Sandra Bullock.  Too bad future sex sucks.

Memorable Man Quote:
John Spartan: Send a maniac to catch a maniac.

33. Dirty Harry

Dirty Harry

Why It's On The List:
Clint Eastwood is a dirty cop who avenges a 14 year old girl's death, while not giving a f*ck about the legal system.

Memorable Man Quote:
I know what you're thinking. "Did he fire six shots or only five?" Well, to tell you the truth, in all this excitement I kind of lost track myself. But being as this is a .44 Magnum, the most powerful handgun in the world, and would blow your head clean off, you've got to ask yourself a question: Do I feel lucky? Well, do ya, punk?

32. Snatch

Snatch

Why It's On The List:
Brad Pitt's performance Mickey O'Neil and Vinnie Jones performance as Bullet Tooth Tony.

Memorable Man Quote:
Bullet Tooth Tony:  Now, dicks have drive and clarity of vision, but they are not clever. They smell pussy and they want a piece of the action. And you thought you smelled some good old pussy, and have brought your two small mincey faggot balls along for a good old time. But you've got your parties mangled up. There's no pussy here, just a dose that'll make you wish you were born a woman. Like a prick, you are having second thoughts. You are shrinking, and your two little balls are shrinking with you. And the fact that you've got "Replica" written down the side of your gun...And the fact that I've got "Desert Eagle point five O"... Should precipitate your balls into shrinking, along with your presence. Now... F*ck off!

31. Death Wish

Death Wish

Why It's On The List:
Charles Bronson, Female nudity and vigilantism like never before seen.

Memorable Man Quote:
Jack Toby: We gotta let the cops handle this, Dad!
Paul Kersey: Yeah?
Paul Kersey: Well, what if the cops can't handle this, Jack?

30. True Grit

True Grit

Why It's On The List:
John Wayne in one of his manliest performances ever.

Memorable Man Quote:
Goudy:  How many men have you shot since you became a marshal, Mr. Cogburn?
Rooster Cogburn: I never shot nobody I didn't have to.
Goudy: That was not the question. How many?
Rooster Cogburn: Uh... shot or killed?
Goudy: Oh, let's restrict it to "killed" so we may have a manageable figure.

29. Escape from New York

Escape from New York

Why It's On The List:
Kurt Russell is a character named "Snake," wears an eye patch and is the world's deadliest person.

Memorable Man Quote:
Bob Hauk: You going to kill me, Snake?
Snake Plissken: Not now, I'm too tired.
[pause]
Snake Plissken: Maybe later

28. Gangs of New York

Gangs of New York

Why It's On The List:
Immigrant gang fighting and "Bill The Butcher".

Memorable Man Quote:
Bill:  I'm forty-seven. Forty-seven years old. You know how I stayed alive this long? Fear. Fearsome acts. A man steals from me, I cut off his hand. If he offends me, I cut out his tongue. If he stands up against me, I cut off his head, stick it on a pike and lift it up for all to see. A spectacle of fearsome acts. That's what maintains the order of things. Fear.

27. Mad Max: The Road Warrior

Mad Max

Why It's On The List:
Car crashes, fight scenes, Mel Gibson and a Semi driving through a car.

Memorable Man Quote:
Max: I want to drive that truck.
Zetta: And how do you plan to do that? Look at yourself. You couldn't drive a wheelchair.

26. 300

300

Why It's On The List:
Unbelievablebattle scenes, an army who won't back down, and plenty of female nudity.  However the excessive man chests, and man ass automatically dropped the movie out of the top 25, just look at the cover.

Memorable Man Quote:
Leonidas: Spartans! Ready your breakfast and eat hearty... For tonight, we dine in hell! 

25. Game of Death

Game of Death

Why It's On The List:
Bruce Lee has to fight his way to the top of a building, and has to defeat enemies on each floor.  The final fighter on the top floor is Kareem Abdul Jabaar.  Only men would understand how awesome this is.

Memorable Man Quote:
Billy Lo: Let it go. What must be done is being done.

24. Apocalpyse Now

Apocolypse Now

Why It's On The List:
The all star man-cast giving all-star manformances: Marlon Brando. Martin Sheen. Robert Duvall.   Laurence Fishburne.  Harrison Ford.  Dennis Hopper.

Memorable Man Quote:
Kurtz: We must kill them. We must incinerate them. Pig after pig. Cow after cow. Village after village. Army after army.

23. The Punisher

The Punisher

Why It's On The List:
Frank Castle is simply an ordinary man who kicks the crap out of every bad guy.  No super powers, no super weapons, just super bad-assery.

Memorable Man Quote:
The Punisher: I have work to do. Read your newspaper everyday and you'll understand.
Joan: Which section?
The Punisher: The obituaries.

22. Man on Fire

Man on Fire

Why It's On The List:
Denzel Washington is a drunken bodyguard who just can't stop killing.  That or drinking.  Other manly men in this flick: Christopher Walken & Mickey Rorke.

Memorable Man Quote:
Elderly Man: In the church, they say to forgive.
Creasy: Forgiveness is between them and God. It's my job to arrange the meeting.

21. Predator

Predator

Why It's On The List:
Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger and Governor Jesse Ventura fight an alien that can turn invisible.  That's right, an alien who can turn invisible.

Memorable Man Quote:
Dutch: If it bleeds, we can kill it...

20. Bloodsport

BloodSport

Why It's On The List:
Jean Claude Van Damme stomps on every opponent including the roided out Chinese guy who killed his friend in battle.

Memorable Man Quote:
Chong Li: You break my record, now I break you, like I break your friend.

19. Commando

Commando

Why It's On The List:
Arnold plays "Matrix" and takes on an entire army of people to save his daughter who just happens to be Alysa Milano.  Manliest moment is when Matrix is hanging from the ceiling of a shed, and chops of the top of a bad guy's head with a saw blade that is thrown like a frisbee.

Memorable Man Quote:
Matrix: Remember, Sully, when I promised to kill you last?
Sully: That's right, Matrix. You did.
Matrix: I lied.

18. First Blood

First Blood

Why It's On The List:
Sly is Rambo and he just kills everything.  Really.

Memorable Man Quote:
Teasle: Are you telling me that 200 of our men against your boy is a no-win situation for us?
Trautman: You send that many, don't forget one thing.
Teasle: What?
Trautman: A good supply of body bags.

17. The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly

The Good the Bad and the Ugly

Why It's On The List:
It is an epic western where Clint Eastwood is a total badass.

Memorable Man Quote:
Tuco: You want to know who you are? Huh? Huh? You don't, I do, everyone does... you're the son of a thousand fathers, all bastards like you.

16. Full Metal Jacket

Full Metal Jacket

Why It's On The List:
Gunnery Sergeant Hartman's rants on Private Pyle.

Memorable Man Quote:
Private Joker: The dead know only one thing: it is better to be alive.

15. Godfather

The Godfather

Why It's On The List:
It is the absolute classic mobster movie where men just do manly things... like killing.

Memorable Man Quote:
Don Corleone:  I never wanted this for you. I work my whole life - I don't apologize - to take care of my family, and I refused to be a fool, dancing on the string held by all those bigshots.

14. Reservoir Dogs

Reservoir Dogs
 
Why It's On The List:
The unbelievable cast of manly men.  Including Michael Madsen, Harvey Keitel & Buscemi.
 
Memorable Man Quote:
Mr. White: If you shoot this man, you die next. Repeat. If you shoot this man, you die next.

13. Rocky IV

Rocky IV

Why It's On The List:
Rocky takes on a roided up Ivan Drago who just killed Apollo Creed, and ends up kicking his ass.

Memorable Man Quote:
Rocky: I see three of him out there.
Paulie: Hit the one in the middle. 

12. Boondock Saints

The Boondock Saints

Why It's On The List:
Because two badass Irish guys go around Boston killing members of the mafia.

Memorable Man Quote:
Connor, Murphy: And Shepherds we shall be For thee, my Lord, for thee. Power hath descended forth from Thy hand Our feet may swiftly carry out Thy commands. So we shall flow a river forth to Thee And teeming with souls shall it ever be. In Nomeni Patri Et Fili
[Guns Cock]
Connor, Murphy: Spiritus Sancti.

11. Sin City

Sin City

Why It's On The List:
This movie kicks ass from the very beginning, and is overloaded with female nudity.  Mickey rourke Rouke  plays the ultimate badass Marv who pulverizes anything in his way.  Mix in Bruce Willis, Jessica Alba,  Rosario Dawson, Benicio Del Toro, Brittney Murphy, and Michael Madsen and you have one of the most mantastic casts of the century. 

Memorable Man Quote:
Marv:  This is blood for blood and by the gallon. These are the old days, the bad days, the all-or-nothing days. They're back! There's no choice left. And I'm ready for war.

10. Gladiator

Gladiator

Why It's On The List:
Maximus has all odds stacked against him but he still manages to beat the brains out of everyone he fights against.  Lions, chariots and executioners are no match for this manly man. 

Memorable Man Quote:
Maximus: At my signal, unleash hell.

9. Deer Hunter

The Deer Hunter

Why It's On The List:
Robert De Niro + Vietnam + Drinking + Christopher Walken + Russian Roulette + Hunting = A MANsterpiece.

Memorable Man Quote:
Nick: I don't think about that much with one shot anymore, Mike.

Michael: You have to think about one shot. One shot is what it's all about. A deer's gotta be taken with one shot.

8. Crank

Crank

Why It's On The List:
This movie is balls to the wall from the very beginning as Jason Statham runs around the city doing drugs, killing bad guys and sexing up women in the street.  The action never stops in this movie, seriously ... it kicks you in the crotch from the very beginning and doesn't stop until the very end.  Bonus points for demeaning treatment of his girlfriend (Amy Smart) and for female nudity.

Memorable Man Quote:
Chev Chelios: I'm going to get that little fucker if it's the last thing I do.
Chev Chelios: It may actually be the last thing I do.

7. Braveheart

Braveheart

Why It's On The List:
Mel Gibson leads an army for freedom and conquers both women and armies, all while never selling out ... even in the face of death.  Instead of being a traitor he gets stretched to death in front of everyone.  Takes serious man-points to get stretched to death.

Memorable Man Quote:
William Wallace: There's a difference between us. You think the people of this country exist to provide you with position. I think your position exists to provide those people with freedom. And I got to make sure that they have it.

6. Platoon

Platoon

Why It's On The List:
Maybe the most real-life army movie to date, starring Charlie Sheen, the ultimate woman slayer.

Memorable Man Quote:
Chris Taylor: The village, which had stood for maybe a thousand years, didn't know we were coming that day. If they had, they would've run. Barnes was the eye of our rage. And through him, our captain Ahab, we would set things right again.

5. Wall Street

Wall Street

Why It's On The List:
While not super violent this movie showcases the fact that men have class, dignity, and more power in their pinky finger than women do throughout their entire bodies.  Charlie Sheen and Michael Douglas team up to get deals done, screw fast women and makes tons of money.  Just a couple of men kicking ass and taking names.

Memorable Man Quote:
Gordon Gekko:  The richest one percent of this country owns half our country's wealth, five trillion dollars. One third of that comes from hard work, two thirds comes from inheritance, interest on interest accumulating to widows and idiot sons and what I do, stock and real estate speculation. It's bullshit. You got ninety percent of the American public out there with little or no net worth. I create nothing. I own. We make the rules, pal. The news, war, peace, famine, upheaval, the price per paper clip. We pick that rabbit out of the hat while everybody sits out there wondering how the hell we did it. Now you're not naive enough to think we're living in a democracy, are you buddy? It's the free market. And you're a part of it. You've got that killer instinct. Stick around pal, I've still got a lot to teach you.

4. Die Hard

Die Hard

Why It's On The List:
Bruce Willis is thrown in the middle of a terrorist situation and alerts the authorities.  The authorities are incompetent idiots, so Willis just does the only thing he knows how to do ... kill a ton of Germans. 

Memorable Man Quote:
"You motherf*cker, I'm gonna kill you! I'm gonna f*ckin' cook you, and I'm gonna f*cking eat you!

3. Tombstone

Tombstone

Why It's On The List:
Val Kilmer delivers one of the manliest performances ever as Doc Holliday, and is surrounded by an all-star man cast that includes Kurt Russell and Charlton Heston.  The main marshals end up slaughtering Cowboys, and eventually end up at a shootout at the OK Corral.

Memorable Man Quote:
Johnny Ringo: My fight's not with you, Holliday.
Doc Holliday: I beg to differ, sir. We started a game we never got to finish. "Play for Blood," remember?
Johnny Ringo: Oh that. I was just foolin' about.
Doc Holliday: I wasn't.

2. American Psycho

American Psycho

Why It's On The List:
Christian Bale delivers a cineMANtic performance of the ages as Patrick Bateman, a wallstreet exec in the 80's.  He drugs woman, chops up hookers, kills hobos and loves Huey Lewis and the News.  The movie features a good deal of nudity (including the classic "Don't just stare at it.  Eat it" line) and murder, the perfect combo for a man flick.  No woman on earth has or would ever like this movie, while every man has throughly enjoyed the homicidal activities of Patrick Bateman.

Memorable Man Quote:
Patrick Bateman: You're a f*cking ugly b*tch. I want to stab you to death, and then play around with your blood.

1. Fight Club

Fight Club

Why It's On The List:
Brad Pitt and Ed Norton Jr. beat the sh*t out of themselves, hold underground fighting matches, blow buildings up, turn women's fat into soap, sell the soap-fat back to women, blackmail bosses and bang chicks.  All while having some of the best (and most manly) dialogue in any modern day movie.

Memorable Man Quote:
Tyler Durden: How much can you know about yourself, you've never been in a fight? I don't wanna die without any scars. So come on; hit me before I lose my nerve.

 

 And that's it!  Feel free to make a selection off of this menu of movie manliness the next time you have your bro's over.



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