The worst thing about douchebags is that they seem to be spreading. As being stupid and listening to shitty music become more popular, more guys have been going to "salons" for manicures, spray-on tans, or both. Don't allow yourself to become a douchebag! Read our list of possible douchebag symptoms, if you find yourself guilty of anything here, you have a few options: 1.) Stop performing that action! It will move you in the right direction to becoming a functioning member of society. Or 2.) End your own life. For the good of society, please prevent this from becoming an unstoppable epidemic.
You are probably a douchebag if....
1.) You Wear Sunglasses At Night
2.) You Refuse To Wear T-Shirts Since They Are "Un-Collar-Poppable"
3.) You Get Offended By "My New Haircut"
4.) You Wear A Shirt Infrequently
5.) You Refer To Girls As "Bitties"
6.) You Own A Comb
7.) You Go Tanning
8.) You Own More Than 10 Pairs Of Flip Flops
9.) You Think Dane Cook Is God
10.) You Work At Abercrombie And Fitch And Are Older Than 19
11.) You Own An Abercrombie And Fitch Credit Card
12.) You Order Salad As An Entree
13.) You Own Neckwear And It's A Crucifix But You Haven't Been To Church Since Christmas And You Love Drinking And Pre-Marital Sex
14.) You Start Fights Over The Best Brand Of Whey Protein
15.) You Start Fights In General
16.) You Only Drink Coors Light
17.) You Refer To Things You Don't Like As "Gay"
18.) You've Worn A Basketball Jersey To School
19.) You Mooch Off Your Parents And Still Treat Them Like Crap
20.) You Own A Scarface Poster
21.) Your Computer's Wallpaper Is A Naked Girl
22.) You Prominently Display Condoms In Your Room
23.) The Amount Of Books You've Read Is Less Than The Amount Of Cell Phones You've Owned
24.) You Refer To Your Male Friends As Your "Boys"
25.) You've Spent More Than 5 Minutes "Pimping Out" Your Myspace Page
26.) You Refer To Your Myspace Page As "Pimped Out"
27.) You Put Rims On The Camry Your Dad Bought You
28.) You Still Quote Anchorman, Old School, and Napoleon Dynamite
29.) You "Love The Yankees" But Can Only Name A-Rod And Derek Jeter As Currently Playing For Them
30.) You've Said Your Frat Is "Just Like The One In Animal House, Bro"
31.) You've Ever Worn Just A Wife Beater Anywhere
32.) You Claim To Be Italian Although You've Never Been To Italy And Your Last Native Italian Relative Came To America In 1900
33.) The Amount Of Hair Gel On Your Head Could Properly Lubricate An M-1 Abrams Tank
34.) You've Ever Complimented Another Guy On How Ripped His "Pecs Look"
35.) You Own "Growing Up Gotti" On DVD
36.) You've Ever Purchased Pre-Ripped Jeans Solely Because You Love The Pre-Ripped Look
37.) You Sport This Haircut:
38.) You're In This Picture:
39.) You Think Your Life Is Remarkably Similar To "Entourage" and have ever said "You KNOW that'll be us someday, bro."
40.) You've Ever Taken A Picture Of Yourself Shirtless For The Purpose Of Distributing It On The Internet
41.) You've Ever Said "I Liked That Band BEFORE They Were Famous"
42.) You Started Taking Guitar Lessons Simply So You Could Play Dave Matthews Band's "Crash" At Parties
43.) You Yell "Freebird!" At Every Concert You Attend
44.) Your Wallet Is Attached To Your Pants Via Wallet Chain You Bought At Hot Topic
45.) In Every Picture Of You, You Flash The Backwards "Peace Sign"
46.) You Work At Hot Topic And Are Older Than 19
47.) You Shop At Hot Topic
48.) You've Ever Blamed Climate Change On "Those Republican Assholes" But Haven't Changed Your Lifestyle In Any Way To Combat The Effects Of Global Warming
49.) You Wear The Shirt Of The Band You're Going To See
50.) You Check Out Your "Guns" In The Reflection Of Parked Car Windows
51.) The Name Of Your Car Is Pasted Across The Windshield
52.) You Own More Than Zero Pairs Of "Crocs"
53.) You Spend More Time At The Gym Than You Do Working At A Job
54.) The Majority Of Your Sentences Begin And End With The Words "Dude" "Bro" And/Or "Yo."
55.) You Become Absurdly Angry When A Teammate On Your Recreational Softball/Rollerhockey/Flag Football Team Makes An imperfect Play
56.) Your Hollister Co. Shirt Would Be Snug On A Kindergartner
57.) You Reminisce About How Awesome Your High School Gym Class Touch Football Team Was
58.) You Have A Bumper Sticker That Says "Tell your girlfriend I said thanks."
59.) You Have Pictures Of Muscular Guys In Your Room And Justify It By Saying, "Yo dude, it's just for motivation, bro," And No One Questions You Because You're Being Completely Honest
60.) You're Violently Protective Of Your Community College
61.) You're Chugging A Beer In Your Facebook Picture
62.) You're Not Wearing A Shirt In Your Facebook Picture
63.) You're Chugging A Beer Whilst Shirtless In Your Facebook Picture
64.) The Amount Of Jewelry You Own Would Make Xerxes Jealous
65.) You Own More Than Zero Flat Brimmed Baseball Caps
66.) Your Chest Is Bigger Than Your Girlfriends
67.) You Cock Your Head In Every Picture Taken Of You
68.) You Always Do The Hand-Shake-Hug Even With People Who You Probably Shouldn't
69.) You've Been Able To Emphatically Answer Yes To Anything On This List