So you've wanted to have sex since you were 11, didn't get to have sex until your dad paid for it on your 25th birthday, and you've been obsessed ever since.  But then you turn 60, and all the fun you and your little buddy used to have just ends.  He doesn't want to hang out anymore.  So what do you do?  You buy a Red Bull...for your penis.  Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra are all pills that will aid you in love making well past the age nature intended.  Here's a list of the worst side effects of the pills that help you get it on in the sack when you should be in Depends.

 

7.)  Photosensitivity

This side effect means you'll be more sensitive to sunlight, which increases your chance of getting a sunburn, which will be costly if you're really on your game and your lady digs her nails into your back.  Photosensitivity can lead to painful blisters on your skin.

 

6.)  Arthralgia

Arthralgia is a painful joint ailment that occurs when a person has a reaction to vardenafil (Levitra).  The joints hurt really bad, especially when the victim attempts to use that joint.  It's different than arthritis, which occurs when the joints become inflamed.

 

5.)  Tachycardia

Tachycardia is when your heart beats really fast.  We're talkin' fast, like over 100 beats per minute.  Normal heart rate for an adult is around 60-75 beats per minute, so an increase of almost 50% is bad news bears.  What can happen after that is bad; death.  If you go into tachycardia, get ready for a refreshing shot of electricity from an AED (defribrillator), not that you'll be conscious for it, but you'll have a nice set of burn marks for a while.

 

4.)  Going Deaf For No Reason

This side effect is also attributed to PDE5 inhibitors.  On October 18, 2007, the FDA announced that there were reports of people going deaf out of nowhere.  They had one thing in common; an unrelenting desire to get a boner, and were taking PDE5 inhibiting drugs like Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra.  Some of the deafness was going unreported as many users believed it was due to old age, but medical professionals agree that sudden deafness is unusual regardless of age.

 

3.)  Amnesia

Levitra might cause amnesia!  Amnesia is a pretty weird disorder, and an even weirder side effect of taking a drug meant to increase sexual activity.  But, for some campus squeeze writers, forgetting certain sexual experiences might be a good thing.  It isn't a guarantee, but some of the people reporting amnesia had also reported taking Levitra around when the amnesiac symptoms occurred. 

 

2.)  Bluish Vision

While not fatal, seeing blue is easily the weirdest side effect on the list.  Here's how it happens: Sildenafil in Viagra blocks an enzyme called PDE5 (phosphodiesterase) which is found in your eyes.  When it blocks the enzyme, it depolarizes the rod cells in your eyes, and that means you're seeing blue, Jack.  Not the worst thing that can happen to you, but it sure makes for an awkward moment when you try to compliment your date's eyes.

 

1.)  Priapism

You know on the commercials when they say "Consult a physician if erection lasts longer than 4 hours."  That's priapism.  It's when your little buddy wants to play, for no discernible reason, and he doesn't want to stop, ever.  And see a doctor IMMEDIATELY.  We can't stress this enough.  If you experience priapism, it could mean your penis turns gangrene, and must be fucking removed.  If that's not enough of a reason to pay attention to your dong, then you're screwed, and we have no sympathy for you.