8 Funny Google Suggestions

Being the avid internet navigator you are, it's inconceivable that you've never used Google. 


"How To Pl..."

We innocently wanted to search "How to pleat your pants" and everything that came up was pretty much what you expect to find on the internet--sex and insecurity.


"How To i..."

It's probably the saddest result in all of Google: "How to impress a girl."  Scores of virginal, zit-faced teenagers sat in their Star Wars fitted bunk beds, tired of masturbating to photoshopped images of Princess Leia and bizarre Hentai pornography and said "I'm going to make the girl at the ice cream shop like me."  However, it looks like it works for someone, since they've impressed that girl, and now they need to get their baby out.



Possibly the most alarming result for the hypocondriac, typing "painfu" into Google reveals pain in places you may never have even realized pain could be.  "Painful intercourse?"  Oh no!  Perhaps that result just shows a picture of a condom.  Then you can laugh and say "Well everyone knows THAT!"  But seriously, it's probably actually something terrible.  And when it comes to "painful bowel movements," that's just standard for the day after a trip to Don Pablo's.  Just go easy on the hot sauce next time.


"How To Make..."

There are a few disconcerting suggestions Google makes on the "How to make..." front.  "How to make out" just makes you said, and then you notice there are 209 MILLION results.  What ever happened to trial by fire?  You make out with some girl in a closet when you're 13 and she leaves crying because you bit through her lip.  That's just life.  "How to make a toga"?  How many toga wearers are running around these days?  "How to make a paper airplane."  The first result for that should read "Get a girlfriend."  And of course, "how to make a bomb."  Sometimes Google is scary.


"Why do..."

Lots of age old questions here: Why DO men have nipples?  Who DO men cheat?  Why DO dogs eat poop? 


"How To G..."

How to get pregnant?  Some people have a really difficult time trying to get pregnant, but the act is pretty much the same for everyone.  More importantly, people need to know how to grow weed.  Namely, marijuana.  It's really funny that "how to give head" and "how to get a girlfriend" are back to back.  Note how there's no "how to get a BOYFRIEND."  Kind of makes you question girl's priorities.  And again, "how to get a girl to like you" pops up.  How depressing are males these days? 



You don't have to get very far before Google gives you some decent suggestions here.  OBVIOUSLY "sexual intercourse" is going to pop right up.  Perhaps the disturbing part comes when "Selena Gomez" is directly below it.  She's 16 years old, and has 10,000 more results than sexual intercourse on Google.  Don't forget about "sex offenders"!  People need to know where these offenders are. 


"How Com..."

STDs happen to one in every 4 people, that's a fact we base on pamphlets we've received from obnoxious Christian organizations.  Notice how three results inquire about three separate STDs that INCREASE in scariness from top to bottom.  Let's hope Google is helpful. 

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November 22. 2009 07:14

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Google is a funny man do you know?

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December 9. 2009 00:00

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