We at Campus Squeeze decided something:  we hate douchebags.  Since there are quite a bit of them running around, we decided that there must be levels of douchebaggery.  Some are worse than others, but all are awful.  Our "Douchebag Report Card" is meant to grade the douchiest people of our society, so we know just how douchy these douchebags really are.

With that being said, "Really, O.J. Simpson?"  Yes, he's a pretty obvious target, but that just means he should be graded even harder.  Besides, it's not like he's old news, he's currently involved in a trial which could put him behind bars for 60 years. So shut up.

On His Trouble With The Law:

This is a real problem area for the Juice.  He loves breaking the law!  First off, he clearly murdered his estranged wife Nicole Brown and her lover Ronald Goldman.  That part is pretty obvious, and it's definitely against the rules.  But instead of just killing them, he was like "WHAT ELSE CAN I DO TO BREAK MORE LAWS?"  Looking down the drive, blood splattered across his face and torso, O.J. saw his white Ford Bronco.  He ran to it, and decided it was time to shine.  Because  that's how getting away with murder works; you drive as fast as you can in Los Angeles, after murdering two people.  Oops!  

So that happened.  For murdering two people then driving around like an asshole, OJ Simpson gets a(n):

F

This is hilarious.

 

Number 2:

Here we go again!  OJ Simpson loves breaking the law, we know this.  So why stop at murder and dangerous high-speed chases?  Why not try holding someone at gunpoint?!  In September 2007, Simpson led some men with guns into a hotel room in Vegas, where they stole some sports memorbilia.  He later lied about his involvement and about the fact that the men carried guns.  For all the crimes he committed during this robbery, OJ could face up to 60 years in prison, no doubt, a life sentence.

ANOTHER:

F

Post Murder Trial Behavior:

Next up!  His post-trial behavior.  Again; what an asshole!  Did he seriously attempt to write a book called "If I Did It: Confessions Of The Killer"? 

Oops.

Yep.  He did.  It was going to detail how "he WOULD HAVE done it, if he had murdered them, which he didn't, right guys?"  Wonder how he wrote this book?  Did he use his memory?  Probably used his memory.  But on the serious side, the damage this book would do to the families of Nicole Brown, Ronald Goldman, and even OJ is unfathomable.  That's a serious dick move.  Publication has been prevented by people who understand how ethics work.  He is even quoted in an interview as saying "Let's say I did this...it would have to be because I loved her very much, right?"  What the fuck?!

For writing a book about "hypothetical murders he DID commit" OJ Simpson gets a(n):

F

Overall:

Ok, so OJ Simpson is clearly a douchebag.  But is he JUST a douchebag?  Is he MORE than a douchebag?  Or is he evil?  If someone is evil can they not be a douchebag since "douchebag" might simply be too light of a term?  This is difficult!  Still,

A+ douchebag. 

He is the worst of them all, so far.

 

Got someone you want to see get graded?  Leave it in the comments section!