We at Campus Squeeze decided something: we hate douchebags. Since there are quite a bit of them running around, we decided that there must be levels of douchebaggery. Some are worse than others, but all are awful. Our "Douchebag Report Card" is meant to grade the douchiest people of our society, so we know just how douchy these douchebags really are.
This week's target: Sean Avery
Ugh, this guy is awful. We know that hockey isn't very popular in most of the United States, so allow us to introduce you to him. Sean Avery is a real dick-bag. He plays for the Dallas Stars of the NHL. In the past he's played for the Detroit Red Wings, L.A. Kings and New York Rangers, and he's made sure to agitate opponents and teammates alike during his tenure with each team. In recent player polls, he's been picked as the most hated player in the entire NHL. This past week he got himself into a bit of trouble, and let's just say this isn't the first time. Let's look at his douchiest moments.
On His On-Ice Behavior:
There have been many agitators in the NHL, but those guys have at least had respect for the game of hockey. Agitating is important, it gets under a teams skin, and can often draw them into making dumb plays or committing bad penalties. But Sean Avery takes that role to the next level. Here are a few examples of his "agitation" attempts:
-While playing for the Kings, Avery was accused of calling black Canadian George Laraques a racial slur during a game, although Avery denies the incident.
-He was fined $1,000 for diving during a game and an additional $1,000 for his outspoken criticism of the NHL.
-He's gotten into fights with coaches and has refused to complete drills in hockey practice.
Going after Jason Blake:
At the time of the incident, Jason Blake had been diagnosed with leukemia, and Avery, not surprisingly, made some comments about it. Again, Avery denies making the statements, but it seems strange that more respectable players keep accusing him of saying offensive things.
-Birth of the Avery Rule
That's super lame.
-This year, he swore at a fan and his girlfriend during a game against the Boston Bruins. The fans requested that the NHL discipline Avery, but nothing happened.
Grade: F
On His Off-Ice Behavior
-When French Canadian Denis Gauthier checked Jeremy Roenick, Avery stereotyped French-Canadian players and fans by basically referring to them as cowards.
-After pussying out in a fight with big Todd Fedoruk, Ducks announcer Brian Hayward and Avery got into an argument over his attitude. Avery called him a terrible hockey player, and Hayward uttered his famous retort: "How would you know? When I played you were in your 3rd year of grade 8."
-This year he called league-wide respected player Jerome Iginla "boring." Really? 50 goal seasons and a team captain fighting is boring?
On his "Sloppy Seconds"
That's because Avery somehow used to nail the insanely hot Elisha Cuthbert, and now she's dating Dion Phaneuf, a monster bad-ass. Following these statements, Avery was suspended indefinitely by the NHL, and his remarks were met with disgust and condemnation from the Dallas Stars management and players alike. He attempted to apologize to his teammates, but they rejected him. Many hockey analysts now suspect that Avery might never play for the Stars again. And hopefully, no one else will want him either.
Grade: F
On His Clothing
Avery is quoted as saying that he is obsessed with women's clothes. He's seriously obsessed with them, and has an incredible interest in men's clothing as well. He even went as far as saying he loved to dress and play with his sister's dolls as a kid. That's not ice hockey player behavior, that's more like soccer player behavior.
This past summer HE INTERNED AT VOGUE. What the...?
Grade: F
Overall:
Sean Avery is just the worst. He's a mediocre hockey player at best, and a true jerk-off in real life. He cusses out players and fans, disrespects players better than he is, his own coaches, and never owns up to his behavior. Let's hope that the suspension the league gives him is super long, and when he returns the Stars send him down to the minors or just cut him all together.
A+ douchebag
Seriously, Sean Avery is the exact type of douche that made high school hell. He talks smack to everyone and dumb and is not good at hockey and is the worst. Go home Sean Avery.