We at Campus Squeeze decided something: we hate douchebags. Since there are quite a bit of them running around, we decided that there must be levels of douchebaggery. Some are worse than others, but all are awful. Our "Douchebag Report Card" is meant to grade the douchiest people of our society, so we know just how douchy these douchebags really are.
This week's target: The Big 3 US Auto Manufacturing CEOs
Left to right: GM's Rick Wagoner, Ford's Alan Mulally, and Chrysler's Robert Nardelli.
No one likes these guys. Just a bunch of overpaid whiners.
On Layoffs:
Due to the massive losses felt by US automakers, they've been forced to layoff a lot of their workforce. GM reduced their workforce by about half since 2006, down to 55,000 from 113,000. In 2006, Ford announced plans to reduce their workforce by around 35,000 through the year 2012. Chrysler warns of plans to cut the jobs of 67,000 workers if they do not receive bailout money. Here's the thing: if your company isn't selling the product you manufacture, then it makes sense to reduce the amount of people that make the product. But why didn't these genius CEOs figure out what they could manufacture that would help turn a profit, instead of simply haphazardly making the SAME CARS THAT DON'T SELL. Now, countless Americans have to suffer because of their stupidity.
Grade: F
On Corporate Jets:
When your company is ailing, and you need to save the jobs of the remaining 51,000 people you haven't already laid off, the best way to do it is to fly to Washington utilizing the most economically responsible method available, right? WRONG! The best way to do it is to fly there in your corporate jet, at a cost of $20,000 dollars! $20,000 dollars? That's about as much as one of their crappy cars cost! They could have flown to Washington from Detroit for between $200 and $800! That's probably a lot cheaper!
Then there's the family dilemma. Alan Mulally of Ford is given the corporate jet EVERY WEEKEND to visit his family in Seattle...round trip. Awesome, dickhead.
Grade: F
On Compensation:
These companies posted losses of SEVERAL BILLION DOLLARS. GM lost about $39 billion in 2007. When that happens, you should probably re-think the amount of money you pay your execs, seeing as how your company isn't doing so hot, and their job is to make the company do hot. WRONG AGAIN. The right thing to do is, on top of their many millions of dollars salary, offer MORE in compensation! GM execs received INCREASES in pay that year. Rick Wagoner's pay ROSE 64%! What? Ford's Mulally received $2 million in salary in 2007, plus $7 million in bonuses, and a total of $21 million with stock options! Other high-ranking executives received tons of money as well, totalling about $40 million. Imagine how much money they would have received if they had done their jobs properly!
Grade: F
Overall:
When it's all said and done, severe mismanagement, with laying off tons of workers, and taking private jets everywhere and receiving unnecessary amounts of money for their shitty performance makes these guys
GRADE A+ DOUCHEBAGS
Go to hell, Big 3 CEOs.