We're not saying any of these things are bad necessarily, we just think these things are funny.  Some of these things have crept their way into American society because of strange trends in places like Hollywood. 

 

11.)  Getting Hair-Cut That Costs More Than $10

This guy looks like he charges a lot.

This one isn't always our fault.  It seems like most hair-cutting places (we're purposefully avoiding the term "salon" here) are charging more than $10 for a haircut!  That's simply ridiculous.  Most of us wear our hair short, how hard is it to cut short hair?  Not difficult enough to charge $10 for twenty minutes of work.  But there are plenty of barbershops around that probably still exist on the 1950's belief system, when haircuts were 4 bucks, and you got a shave to go along with it.  We need to start utilizing these.

 

10.)  Crying After Favorite Team Loses/Wins

They're either thrilled or bitterly dissapointed.  Either way, it's making you uncomfortable.

Why does this happen to us?  We can watch a burning bus full of puppies and orphans go off a bridge, and simply bide our time until those shows with videos of people getting hurt come on.  But if your team loses in the bottom of the ninth or your favorite player scores the game winning touchdown, you're blubbering like Brett Favre at a press conference, which incidentally, caused men across the country to break down in tears also...before we all started to hate him.

 

9.)  Frequently Using Body Wash

Does this make you cleaner than a bar of soap, or are we missing the point?

Body wash's slogan should be: Not just for the feminine anymore!  Seriously, on Old-Spice body wash, there's a quote on the back that reads "Won't wash away testosterone!"  It's the perfect way to market your product to insecure 20 somethings.

 

8.)  Agonize Over Matching Shoes With Outfit

This looks...terrible?

How often have you been wearing an outfit with something like brown shoes and everyone rags on you?  40 years ago that shit would never fly.  We're dudes, who cares if our clothes match?  That's the problem though; thanks to Ben Affleck's metrosexuality, America thinks ALL men should dress properly.

 

7.)  Going Shopping With The Intention Of Buying More Than 1 Article Of Clothing

A day that could have been better spent not shopping.

This is a little more obscure.  When dudes go to the mall it's because we need a certain item.  Like "I need a shirt."  Or "I need pants."  Or "I need some sort of jersey."  Girls go to the store with the intention of buying a season's worth of clothing.  Generally speaking, our clothing works until it falls apart, so we build gradually.

 

6.)  Doing The High-Five To Butt-Slap Combo

Congrats on doing something manly!  Let me bring you down a few notches.

Every guy has done this.  You know what we're talking about: you high-five a buddy upstairs, and then continue the high-five downward so that it slaps him on the ass.  This can be done in any situation: sporting events, passing in the hallway, or even after finding out you're the beneficiary of someone's will.  Any way you slice it, this act transcends comedy and goes into the awkward realm when performed too often.

 

5.)  Checking Yourself Out Shirtless In The Bathroom Mirror And Saying "I wish I had Brad Pitt's body..."

Boo-hoo, I need abs.

We've all seen Fight Club.  Say what you want, but Brad Pitt is simply jacked in this movie (now we're breaking the aforementioned "complimenting another guy's physique" rule.  Man, this is hard).  And we've all looked in the mirror and said "If I looked like Brad Pitt in Fight Club _______ would go out with me.  ::Pathetic sigh::"

 

4.)  Complimenting Another Dude's Physique

Don't look directly into their junk.

This one seems to be gaining prominence in our society.  If you've ever been to the gym, you've probably noticed this alarming trend has been increasing in popularity for a while.  We're talking about awkward comp-bro-menting.  Especially when one of the big dudes is doing a set with "SOME SERIOUS WEIGHT, BRO!" and his spotter is talking him through it.  "You're huge man!  Sick traps!"

 

3.)  Failure To Adhere To "Every Other Rule" In Bathroom

Never, NEVER do this.

This breach of ettiquette might be the most overly abused uncomfortable thing straight guys can do.  It shouldn't have to be explained: if there's a urinal several down from the one a guy is already using, take it.  Otherwise, wait your turn.

 

2.)  Failure To Adhere To "No High Fives Or Eye Contact While Urinating" In Bathroom

Dang.  They got half the rule correct.

Sometimes when you're in the bathroom, some dude gets overzealous and decides to be your best buddy.  Sometimes that guy decides to carry on the conversation while you're trying to do your business.  When that happens, no amount of urinal distancing can save you.  Be a part of the solution: stare straight ahead and answer only in grunts and nods.

 

1.)  Hugs

Now THAT'S excitement!

This can often find itself tied in with the "crying after favorite team loses/wins" rule.  Your favorite team won the big game, and you partake in an uncomfortably long and powerful hug with the nearest dude.  Sometimes accompanied by the very wrong squeezing that man's shoulder blades in your meaty paw while resting your head on his shoulder.