The Top Manliest Guides Ever
by Dan Fisher
Have you ever wrestled a lion? Ever drank a glass of flaming sulfuric acid for fun? Performed a ritual circumcision…on yourself? If you answered “No” to any of these questions, then you probably need to man up. Man up; a phrase you’ve heard all your life from your drunken father who was too ashamed to pick you up from piano lessons, until one day you’re writing for a website about manly books wondering if you should have played football instead. Anyway, hope is not lost, because there are numerous books aiming to help you get testosterone back in your life. Put down the rubik’s cube, and check out these gems.
The Alphabet of Manliness by Maddox
Just read the title and you know that this is the book that will guarantee your manliness for eternity. Maddox is the owner, writer and creater of www.thebestpageintheuniverse.com. If you aren’t a visitor of the site, then you might be surprised by Maddox’s writing style: dry, sarcastic, and very, very blunt. Maddox covers much of pop-culture; when he gives you his opinions, you’ll find that all of yours are wrong. Don’t be alarmed when you find that everything you’ve ever loved is ridiculed by this book. If you’re looking for an entertaining and manly read, then The Alphabet of Manliness is for you.
I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell by Tucker Max
Tucker Max is a bad person, and he knows it, nay, he prefers it. The title of this book is proof enough that Tucker has not only secured his place in hell; he embraces it. But that’s not the point, the point is that this book is ridiculously manly. Tucker describes his conquests with women, drinking, and his conquests with women. You read that correctly. This book is hilarious, and even if you hate Tucker Max, (which you will,) you’ll love his stories.
The Zombie Survival Guide: Complete Protection from the Living Dead by Max Brooks
Some people think this guide is a joke. But it isn’t. Zombies are a serious threat to human existence, and Max Brooks offers his protection for the inevitable show-down. He gives a run down of recorded zombie attacks all the way from before Christ, to as recent as the 2000s. Brooks also gives you important information about zombies, such as their physiological make-up and what weapons are most effective against them. This is an excellent addition not only to your non-fiction book collection, but your manly-books collection as well, because it takes a real man to destroy a horde of zombies. Also check out Max Brooks’ World War Z: An Oral History of the Zombie War.
How to Survive a Robot Uprising: Tips on Defending Yourself Against the Coming Rebellion
by Daniel H. Wilson
Imagine a world overrun not only by zombies (see above), but by robots as well. What kind of man would it take to effectively survive? If you answered “a manly one,” you’re close. Author Daniel H. Wilson warns of an inevitable robot uprising, claiming that all robotic devices, even a toaster, can turn on its owner. Wilson teaches us how to survive against robots by using our surroundings, and by using robots various strengths as weapons to defeat them (water versus metal anyone?).
The Modern Drunkard by Frank Kelly Rich
Think of the manliest men in history: Augustus Caesar, pirates, Ulysses S. Grant, and Winston Churchill were no strangers to the sauce. Even Mr. Jesus Christ would turn his own blood into wine constantly, for no reason at all, other than getting tanked. (If there was no water around). This books’ wisdom is in its experience. Frank Kelly Rich has been editor of Modern Drunk Magazine for over 10 years. I’m sure the man knows how alcohol consumption is done properly. (Properly doesn’t mean “moderation,” mind you.) Rich describes the important facets of drinking, even covering drinking “etiquette.” Check this book out for a manly, un-sober read.
The Complete A**hole’s Guide to Handling Chicks by Dan Indante and Karl Marks
Everyone knows that skill in picking up chicks is one of the manliest traits a man can possess. It’s for any guy who’s ever asked “Why do a**holes finish first?” Not that I ever have…or anything (cough). That’s why Dan Indante and Karl Marks wrote this guide. Not only do they answer the above question, they tell you why it’s true, and also how to be one. This is a great way to not only pick up girls, but how to keep them. Read The Complete A**hole’s Guide to Handling Chicks, and never be afraid to talk to women again.
Die Happy: 499 Things Every Guy’s Gotta do While he Still Can by Tim and Michael Burke
According to every married man I know, marriage is the worst thing of all time. Apparently though, you kind of have to do it. Something to do with taxes, I guess. The point is, after you get married, you can’t do any of the things in this book. Authors (and brothers) Tim and Michael Burke provide a very long list of ridiculously outrageous and fun things to do as a young man before you’re tied down by another person forever…forever. If that doesn’t make you put your pants on and accomplish something, I don’t know what will.