Had enough with the Orlando Blooms, Toby McGuires and Jude Laws of the world? Well these actors kick ass on screen and grab it by the mouthful by night. We are proud to present you with our list of the 9 Manliest Actors in the World.
Clint Eastwood
Why he’s manlier than you:
Well, his name is Clint Eastwood. The name Clint is reserved for badass people. When I hear the name Clint, I think some dude wearing a leather jacket is going to punch me in the face with his sledgehammer, which he carries all the time for some reason. Clint Eastwood is the star of numerous badass movies: Dirty Harry; The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly; A Fistful of Dollars, and more. He even stars and directs badass movies. Unforgiven, Letters to Iwo Jima, Million Dollar Baby, and The Outlaw Josie Wales are just a few.
What about the ladies?
Even though Eastwood is old as hell, he still bangs out chicks like nobody’s business. The man has sired seven children from five different women, but has only been married twice. That means he says “fuck you” to marital obligations, and spreads his man-seed all over the place. His most recent wife is a hair younger than he is at 35 years his junior. He’s old enough to be her dad, and with all the sex he has, he might be.
Manly Quotes:
“I like to joke that since my children weren’t giving me any grandchildren, I’d have two of my own.”
-Clint Eastwood, on having children at an absurdly old age.
Sean Connery
Why he’s manlier than you:
He played James Bond, an insanely manly man whose favorite things to do are shooting Russians and having sex with their women (although in both categories, he does not limit himself to that nationality only). All of those movies had some hot chicks in them, and you know Connery bagged them all. Also, he was in The Rock and the last Indiana Jones movies, both of which require the actor to have a BTC (blood testosterone content) of at least 600, if that sort of test exists.
What about the ladies?
Again, he was in like seven James Bond movies. Also, he was married to the super hot Diane Cilento.
Manly quotes:
“I don’t think it’s that bad, it depends on the circumstances, and if it merits it.”
-Sean Connery on spousal abuse.
Bruce Lee
Why he’s manlier than you:
He’s a bad ass from birth. Bruce Lee was born during what is known in China as the hour of the dragon.
--Bruce created the “one-inch punch” that was popular in Kill Bill vol. 2.
--Punched buckets filled with gravel and rocks to strengthen hands.
--Could hold a 125 lb. dumbbell straight out from a standing position.
--Performed push-ups using only thumb and forefinger. I can’t even do regular push-ups.
--Created what is known as the “Dragon Flag.” He would lie on an exercise bench, with only his shoulder blades touching the bench. Then he would lift his legs and torso so that they were perfectly horizontal.
What about the ladies?
Bruce Lee was married only once, and stayed with his wife for the duration of his life. She was the only woman able to handle his Kung Fu penis.
Manly Quote:
Many people have said that Bruce Lee stated that he could beat any fighter in the world. Any.
Arnold Swarzenegger
Why he’s manlier than you:
Arnold spent the first 30 years of his life building his superhuman strength. Every role he ever played has tough-guy written all over it. Don’t think his character in Kindergarten Cop is tough? YOU try to act in a movie when your instincts tell you to murder all the annoying child actors. Look at this list of manly movies he’s in: Running Man, Terminator 1, Terminator 2, Conan the Barbarian, Predator, Total Recall, Commando, and many more. In 2006, he broke his right femur, which is the manliest bone you can ever break. Also, he’s been in numerous motorcycle accidents.
What about the ladies?
Although he is now married to Maria Schriver (niece of JFK), numerous witnesses and old interviews he gave suggest that he attended real-life orgies in the 70s. Also, several women accused him of unwanted sexual advances. I don't believe it for a second. What would these women rather have; a horny Arnold, or a pissed off one?
Manly quotes:
“I have a love interest in every one of my films—a gun.”
John Wayne
Why he’s manlier than you:
The Duke rarely ingested anything that wasn’t awful for you. He thrived on a steady diet of tobacco, red meat, and whiskey. The man never took any role that didn’t let him carry a gun, ride a horse, or punch everyone. In his movies, John Wayne killed more Indians than smallpox. His manliest roles include Rooster Cogburn in True Grit and Rooster Cogburn, in George Washington McClintock McClintock! (a movie in which he spanks two women), Ethan Edwards in The Searchers, among others. In 1964, John Wayne was diagnosed with lung cancer, and underwent an operation to remove his entire left lung. And despite that, he hilariously continued to chew tobacco and smoke cigars.
What about the ladies?
Were he alive today, John Wayne would have a subscription to several “Latina” themed porn sites. He was married to three different Spanish women, relationships that would produce seven children. Also, he nailed both his secretary and old-timey hottie Marlene Dietrich for several years.
Manly quotes:
“Life is hard. It’s harder if you’re stupid.”
“Women have the right to be whatever they want, as long as they have dinner ready when you get home.”
Mel Gibson
Why he’s manlier than you:
Ever seen Braveheart? The guy hacks up English soldiers with a variety of awesome stuff. The sword he uses is like 9 feet long and weighs more than you. In that movie alone, he drops over 30 English soldiers. He was also in Mad Max, all the Lethal Weapon movies, Payback and What Women Want. “What Women Want?” you said with disgust. Imagine knowing what women wanted, you’d be a manly babe-slayer.
What about the ladies?
Mel has been married to the same women for like 30 years. But he’s gotten it on on-screen with Julia Roberts, Catherine McCormack, Sophie Marceau, Renee Russo, and Maria Bello, among others. Well done, Mel. Well done.
Manly Quotes:
“Feminists don’t like me, and I don’t like them.”
Steven Seagal
Why he’s manlier than you:
First off, this is a manly actors list, not a good actors list. With that in mind, Steven Seagal has hilariously attempted acting in many manly movies. Every one of them has a ridiculous name like “Explosion Point,” “Deadliness Pond” or “The Guy Who Broke Everyone’s Face For One Reason or Another.”
What about the ladies?
Seagal has been married three times. He married his first wife, then he married his second wife without even divorcing his first! Then he got his girlfriend pregnant while still married to his second wife, bringing his grand total to five children with three women! Good job, Steven.
Manly quotes:
"I am hoping that I can be known as a great writer and actor some day, rather than a sex symbol."
Wesley Snipes
Why he’s manlier than you:
Wesley Snipes has played hardcore manly men like Pheonix in Demolition Man, and Blade in the Blade Trilogy. Outside of film, Snipes has trained in martial arts since age 4 and has a black belt. Snipes was recently charged with not paying his income taxes. In 1993, he was charged with carrying a loaded weapon, which gave him three years probation. In 1994, he was charged with driving recklessly after he crashed his motorcycle after a 30 mile car chase with police in which he reached speeds of 120 mph. He wasn’t even hurt.
What about the ladies?
Wesley Snipes has been linked to hot chicks such as Halle Berry and Jada Pinkett Smith. Remember Jennifer Lopez? Well, it’s believed he banged her as well. He has five kids from two wives.
Manly quotes:
Taxes? No it's cool, I paid those like seven years ago.
-Unconfirmed.
Kurt Russell
Why he’s manlier than you:
Portrayed all sorts of rough and tumble characters whose sole purpose is to take life. These men include Snake Plissken from Escape from New York and L.A., Lt. McCafffrey in Backdraft, Mike McKay in Grindhouse, and Wyatt Earp in Tombstone. He even named one of his sons “Wyatt,” possibly in the hopes that he will turn out to be a gun-slinging bad ass like the character he played in Tombstone.
What about the ladies?
He has had a long relationship with the once hot Goldie Hawn for many years.
Manly Quotes:
“For guys playing sports at a high level, for money, I can't put my finger on it, but in a man's world of sport, there is something visceral to beating another man.