For some reason, live entertainment has gotten lamer and lamer as time has gone on. For example; back in ancient Rome, boxers wore linen on their fists, complete with nails and glass purely for the purpose of wounding their opponents worse than by simply punching them. In medieval times, dudes swordfought and jousted. In the 1700s, men dueled with both swords and those bad ass old time pistols. Nothing thrills quite like the Olympics, and while individual sports are glorious, imagine how glorious events could be if we were to combine the best parts of each together to make super sports.
7.) Long Jump and Diving
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How do you do this?
Diving and long jump are separate sports that require serious training and skill. Why not amp up the skill requirements by creating a sport that asks for both disciplines from their athletes? In this sport, the athletes start way, way back, then runs at full speed toward the diving platform, and launches themselves as far out as possible, all the while maintaining form and landing a perfect, non-Greg Louganis style head-busting dive.
How do you score points?
Points are awarded for distance of jump and style of dive.
6.) Criss-Cross Kayaking/Freestyle Swimming
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How do you do this?
In a large X-shaped pool, swimmers and kayakers will line up, ready to begin at the sound of a gunshot. When the race begins, the swimmers and kayakers take off towards the other side of the pool. Ultimately, they all end up in the middle of the X, where kayakers attempt to bash the swimmers with their paddles, and the swimmers can either choose to swim past the kayaks or dump the kayakers from their boat.
How do you score points?
Kayakers are awarded points for every swimmer they prevent from finishing the race and their time/; , and swimmers win by having the best time, doubled with number of kayakers they remove from their kayaks.
5.) Javelin and Pole Vaulting
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How do you do this?
The pole vaulter would run towards the javelin thrower. The javelin has one chance to strike the pole vaulter. If they miss, the pole vaulter has the chance to vault over the bar and boot the javelin thrower in the face, who is not allowed to move.
How do you score points?
Points are awarded for the accuracy of the javelin throw, and for the force with which the pole vaulter strikes the thrower.
4.) Archery and Balance Beam
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How do you do this?
In keeping with the theme of "things are more fun to watch when they're dangerous," we put two sports together that, when performed safely by trained professionals, are very safe. But when you put them together like this, they become extremely dangerous, and more importantly, entertaining. The gymnast hops onto the balance beam and begins their routine. During this time, the archer lines up at a respectable distance and begins firing arrows.
How do you score points?
Hits are worth points for the archers, and the ability to continue the routine through the pain is awarded by points for the gymnasts. The archer must stop firing arrows once the gymnast has finished their routine.
3.) Pole Vaulting and Taekwondo
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How do you do this?
We've elected to bring back medieval style jousting, only we've modified it for the Olympics. The pole vaulters will have to be trained in taekwondo for this one. The vaulters run towards eachother, vault up, and at the highest height, attempt to punch and kick one another.
How do you score points?
Points are awarded for successful pole-vaults, as well as powerful strikes during the mid-air fight.
2.) Weight Lifting and High Jump
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How do you do this?
These two sports are pretty straightforward: you lift either weights or your body high into the air, and then both of which are usually safely back on the ground seconds later. It isn't particularly exciting. With that in mind, it's probably important to mash these guys together. Once the weightlifter reaches the highest point of his lift, the high jumper must leap over the weight filled bar high above the lifters head. If he makes it, great. If he jumps too low, even better. Obviously, the athletes hope the high jumper soars above the weights, but spectators are hoping for the opposite.
How do you score points?
Points are awarded for height of the jump and for amount of weight lifted.
1.) Sailing With Fencing And Shot Putting
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How do you do this?
This would be an epic battle royale. Think classic Pirates vs. Ninja's style warfare, then toss in the elements of extremely well-conditioned athletes with the ability to fight for hours. It would probably go something like this: The sail boats would be loaded with the fencers and shot-putters from their respective countries. The race would begin, and the shot putters would immediately begin firing their shot puts at other country's boats, akin to canonballs, like in the golden age of sea-warfare. If at any time two sailboats got close enough, fencers would rope swing onto the deck of their opponents and immediately begin a ridiculously awesome sword fight battle.
How do you score points?
A win is determined by the country that crossed the finish line with at least one surviving member. In the event of a tie, the amount of surviving members would determine the winner.