People are generally awful.  For that, we dedicate one post a week to a situation that enables people to be obnoxious.  The best part?  These annoying people are universal: they appear in this situation hundreds of times over all across America.  If you can't understand why a certain person is on this list, bad news; that's you.
 

This Week:  People On New Year's

 

9.)  People Who Think It's Still Christmas

Cool man...if it was two weeks ago.

They've got the holiday sweaters on, they've got their egg nog, still singing Christmas carols.  Come on man, it's New Year's.  Christmas was last week.

 

8.)  The Toastmaster

Hey, shutup now.

This person always needs to give some sort of inspiration speech without any eloquence or real meaning.  Wait, there IS real meaning, it's "I need attention."

 

7.)  The Person Who Is Determined To Stick To Their New Year's Resolutions

Keep dreamin' fatty!

"I'm gonna do it this year!  I'm going to lose 25 pounds!"  Guess what?!  You're not!  You're going to gain weight or stay the same.  Don't lie to us.

 

6.)  The Guy Who Says "SEE YOU NEXT YEAR!"

Much like Carlos Mencia, the "See You Next Year!" guy isn't funny at all.

Get it?!  Because 2009 is a New Year and he'll see you in it!  That is funny.

 

5.)  The Guy Who Tries To Make Out With Everyone

Heh, ok.  Now you're hurting me.

Just because it's a New Year doesn't mean girls find you attractive.  You're not doing anyone a favor here.

 

4.)  The Person Who Believes That Their Lives Will Somehow Magically Improve Because It's A New Year

Keep praying buddy, it's not gonna happen.

This is probably the funniest thing about New Year's.  Everyone assumes that there will be some magical transformation that occurs.  Some "Cinderella" midnight miracle, and they're all millionaires with beautiful spouses and 12 cars.  Nope.  Not at all.  Your life still sucks.

 

3.)  The Person Who Complains About "How Bad Of A Year I Had"

It's only gonna get worse, kid.

EVERYONE had a pretty bad year.  You're not special. 

 

2.)  The People Who Try To Have The First Baby Of The Year

"Number 5 of the year?!  Fuck!"

These people do some complex math equations and decide that having the first baby of the year is their greatest goal.  Do they aspire to be better people?  Give to charity?  Spend time with the less fortunate?  Nope.  These geniuses want to have the first baby of the year.

 

1.)  The Person Who Overuses Their Noise Maker

Seriously, get that out of my face.

Blowing it in your face, or that twisty one that makes the clacking noise, this person wants to make as much noise as possible.