NOV
26

People You Hate: 12 Horrible People At A Concert


People are generally awful.  For that, we dedicate one post a week to a situation that enables people to be obnoxious.  The best part?  These annoying people are universal: they appear in this situation hundreds of times over all across America.  If you can't understand why a certain person is on this list, bad news; that's you.

Here's some people you hate at concerts:

 

12.)  The Guy Without A Shirt

Rub your sweaty body on mine.  That's what I came here for.

Oh no!  Expect that the guy without a shirt will also be trying to get you to mosh.  He is sweaty.  You can tell he is fond of ice-cream sandwiches. 

 

11.)  The Person That Air Drums

Rhythm.

There's just something uncool about a person attempting to keep air-rhythm on their air-drumset with their air-drumsticks.  Maybe try tapping your thighs or something.

 

10.)  The Person That Shouldn't Be There

The best thing would be if you left.  The earth.

There's usually a pretty agreed upon standard for the people at concerts.  You can spot the people that have no idea why they're at this show.  They stand against the wall, not even allowing themselves to nod along with the music.

 

9.)  The Security Guard

Step BACK.  These men are gods.

Getting too close to the band?  This guy will be there to defend the precious band AT ALL COSTS. 

 

8.)  The People Who Push

"Could you shove me back to my friends?  Thanks."

Things are going great, the band hasn't taken the stage yet, and you're all just waiting.  Then they take the stage, and it's like a mad rush for the last helicopter in Saigon. 

 

7.)  The Crappy Opening Band

"THESE guys are opening for Zeppelin?!"

Who are these guys?  They have one purpose: prompting you to think "Shit, if these guys can make it, then I should start a band."

 

6.)  The Protestors Outside

DOWN WITH EVERYTHING

Why does a concert bring these fun-busters out of the woodwork?  They want you to know that music is the devil's work, and you need to repent your sins immediately. 

 

5.)  The Crowdsurfer

Worst concert ever.

Where's the crowdsurfer?  Oh great, he just landed on your neck.  Does he care?  No, he's back in the air already.  Can you feel your legs?

 

4.)  The Guy That Wears The Shirt Of The Band He's Going To See

The Merkins.

Thank you, Jeremy Piven in PCU, who knows how long this obnoxious trend would have gone on for?  We know you like this band, you're at the concert. 

 

3.)  The Girls That Make T-Shirts

Should have spent the half hour it took to make those on the treadmill.

Almost worse than the guy that wears the shirt of the band he's going to see, the girls that make their own t-shirts are TOTALLY CREATIVE.  A REAL fan buys a $4 shirt at Target and paints crap all over it.

 

2.)  The Guy That Wants To Mosh

Hey man, could you step on my face again?  Thanks.

HOW CAN YOU ENJOY MUSIC WITHOUT MOSHING?  This is what gets repeated in their dumb heads for the entire show.  You don't want to mosh?  That just means you HAVE to.  Expect to get bumped into for hours.

 

1.)  The People That Yell "Freebird!"

Douchebag advertisement.

That's awesome!  It's beyond ironic and cool now.  It's just douchy and obnoxious.



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Comments

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December 2. 2008 23:02

manticorep

what about the fat chicks that show up two hours early and hog the barricade, taking up enough space for two people?

manticorep us

December 3. 2008 04:19

cSqueeze

Gross. Good call on that one.

cSqueeze us