Everyone loves going to a bar!  It's for the alcohol.  Also, sometimes people you enjoy are there.  But again, the alcohol!  These people suck, though.

 

15.)  The Bouncer Who Is Also FBI

You're in my world now, bitch.

National security is at stake in this bar.  That's why the bouncer has scoured your ID for imperfections for 15 minutes.  Is this REALLY you?  What's your address?  You stumbled a little bit.  I'm calling the police.  Give it a rest, dumbass.  Odds are, this neanderthal was the linebacker in high school, fizzled out in college, and re-lives his noogies and wedgies glory days every weekend.

 

 

14.)  The Person Who Takes Forever To Order

"What's the house vodka?  How much will it cost if I want to order blah blah blah."  All examples of the trademark associated with the lame-o who forgets that there's a line.  Have your drink order ready, stupid. 

 

13.)  The Girl Who Is Determined To Protect Her Friend

Uh oh, you picked out a hottie, but guess what!  Her not very hot friend thinks that you're not good enough, and is here armed with snide comments and sarcastic quips. 

 

12.)  The Person Who Thinks The Alcohol Content Of Their Drink Is Too Low

There was like no gin in this.  I could barely finish it. 

This person is a real stickler for alcohol.  If they want a vodka tonic, there better be THE RIGHT AMOUNT of vodka in it.  No skimping.

 

11.)  The Guys Who Bump Chests After Shots

Oh look!  Chad and Trent just did a shot of jager!  They truly contain more testosterone than anyone else here.  Where did they get those Ohio State hoodies?

  

10.)  The Person Who Can't Wait To Tell You They "Don't Drink"

They sit at the bar, sipping their water with lemon.  "Oh hi, yeah, I don't drink alcohol.  I think it's stupid."  Thanks for answering the question NO ONE CARED TO ASK.  They epitomize self-congratulations.

 

9.)  The Guy Whose Age Vastly  Exceeds The Mean Age

Uh oh.  Everyone else on this list is mainly annoying, but this guy is creepy/dangerous.  This person was probably older than your parents when you were born.

 

8.)  The Person That "Knows The Bartender"

"Hey whaddya guys want?  I know this guy, he'll hook us up."  Later in the night: "Yeah, can I get a few bucks from you?  He must be in a bad mood or something..."

 

7.)  The People Who Form A Wall At The Bar

Guess what?!  These people came to watch TV.  Do you need to order a drink?  Too fucking bad, asshole, because if you think you're getting by these guys, you're dead wrong.

 

6.)  The Person Looking For A Fight

Lookin' at my girl dog?

This person views the bar as their personal boxing ring.  Did you look in the same direction as the girl he likes?  Let's rumble.  Did you accidentally step on his foot?  It's go time.  Are you a fan of a sports team that he is NOT a fan of?  Let's take this outside.  Keep your eye out for this douchebag.

 

5.)  The Person That Can't Hear "Sweet Caroline" Enough

Seriously, once a weekend is enough.  It's a good time, everyone stands together, pointing at the sky, bonding over their collective love for Neil Diamond.  But let's agree on something; the song isn't THAT good.  We don't need to hear it every hour.

 

4.)  The Bartender With The Weight Of The World On Their Shoulders

THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE IS ORDERING DRINKS AT THE SAME TIME.  Not really.  But this bartender sure acts like it.  He or she is running around, trying to satisfy everyone.  Guess who isn't important right now?  You.

 

3.)  The Person With A Different Opinion Than You

I know what I'm talking about.  Trust me.

Were you and your friends just having a private conversation about the economy or sports or anything slightly controversial?  Well be on the lookout, because the Person With A Different Opinion Than You can't listen to it much longer.  "I just HAD to say something.  I mean if you think that the economy can be fixed by blah blah blah then you're crazy because..."  Go die, man.  Look for this person and the Person Who Can't Wait To Tell You They Don't Drink to be the same person.

 

2.)  Girl Who Lets You Hit On Her For The Free Drinks

You're at the bar, and that cute girl has sort of made her way towards you.  Play it cool.  Now she's talking to you!  Let's get her a drink, it's a smart move.  The night goes on.  After a few rounds that YOU paid for, you go for the gold: ask for her number, maybe a kiss.  It's up to you.  That's when this scavenger drops the "Oh I'm sorry if you got the wrong impression, I have a boyfriend...."

 

1.)  The Cropduster

Smell that?  Yep.  Someone let one go.  Broccoli and taquitos?  Probably.  They're nowhere in sight, because they shuffled over to your area just to drop off this package, and let some poor bastard take the blame for it.