There are so many hateable people on the earth.  Because of this, we've realized that the people we hate are often a part of a certain situation, take today's article for example; when you're on an elevator.  Here are the people you hate when you're on an elevator. 

 

10.)  The Person That Is A Bad Parent:

Should we call someone or...?

Why does this kid keep touching you?  Why is this kid not being disciplined by their parent while you ride the elevator?  OH RIGHT, their parent sucks.  Did that kid just push ALL the buttons?  He did.  He certainly did.  Is that baby going to stop crying?  Nope.  Enjoy that ringing in your ears.

 

9.)  The Person That's Afraid Of The Elevator:

I SHOULD HAVE TAKEN THE STAIRS

This person is sort of rare, but possibly the most hilarious of all the annoying elevator riders.  First of all, they step on the elevator as lightly as possible, as if the car is held up by dental floss.  Every time there's a slight vibration, they look up nervously or clutch their chest.  Don't worry, honey, there are like 4 elevator accidents per decade.

 

8.)  The Person That Thinks You're Friends:

Do I know you?

You get on the elevator, and one of your fellow passengers seems to know you.  "Hey buddy!  Catch the game last night?!"  And you're like "What?  Who are you?"  But you're too polite to ask so you just nod and agree.  "Oh man, just got a new plasma TV, things awesome!  Wanna come over and check out Lost tonight?  I bought beers!"  Again, who is this person, and how come they love you so much?

 

7.)  The Person That Acts Like They Own The Elevator:

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE!  GET OFF MY ELEVATOR

They got on first, so when you get on, they have that "REALLY?  You're REALLY getting on with me?" look on their dumb faces.  Then they squeeze tightly into the corner. 

 

6.)  The Person That Complains About The Elevator:

LISTEN TO MY UNNECESSARY ANGER

"Ugh, this elevator TAKES FOREVER, doesn't it?", they ask you.  In your head, you say "Well why don't you take the stairs 20 flights then?  Doesn't sound appealing?  Then shut up."  They're probably the same people that whine about how long it takes for someone to BRING THEIR FOOD TO THEM at a restaurant and who don't have a positive word about their last flight.  "Last I checked, the airplane took you to your destination, so quit bitching."  If they're not whining about the elevator's speed, don't worry, they find something.  "This thing is so small!  Can you believe the lights are so dim?"

 

5.)  The Person That Smells TOO Good:

Well, I'm about to get on an elevator, so clearly I need more.

Did you know that 35 sprays of perfume is more than enough?  The air is clearly flammable at this point.  Sure, we're all very impressed (we're not impressed) that you can afford Chanel 5, but please stop soaking every pore in the stuff.  It's equally as nauseating as the person who doesn't know what perfume/hygiene is. 

 

4.)  The Person That Whistles:

And now, I will perform the original score to Toy Story 2

Oh no!  This musician wants to share with you their gift of music!  Say, is that the theme from Full House?!  Please, regail us with tunes from your golden lips, O Wizard of the Whistle.  If they aren't whistling, they're humming.  And sometimes, that's worse.

 

3.)  The Person On Their Cell Phone:

See?  I have to be in contact with other people because I'm very important.

The thing about being in an elevator is that you're confined to a closet sized area with strangers.  With that in mind, you can hear pretty much anything that goes on around you.  Does that matter to the person on their cell phone?  No.  They're comfortable enough to discuss anything; their family, friends, how much they hate their family, their genital warts, how fat they've gotten, how ugly you are, and any other personal things no one needs to know.

 

 

2.)  The Person That Smells Bad:

Uhh...we'll just take the next one.

The smell can come from a multitude of places.  It can be body odor, bad breath, dirty broccoli farts, that post-gym smell, or "I cook a lot with garlic and onions" smell.  Of course, they've been on the elevator for about 15 minutes allowing for their BO to soak every molecule of air with their personal scent. 

 

1.)  The Person That Can't Wait For Everyone Else To Get Off Before Boarding

Could you press the button for me too?  Thanks.

THE KING OF ELEVATOR DOUCHEBAGS IS HERE!  Ettiquette dictates that everyone ON the elevator gets off before anyone boards it.  IT ONLY MAKES SENSE.  Why would everyone get on, and then all the previous riders  wait and then have to walk through them?  But there's that one person whose time is more important than yours, and they need to get on now.  STEP ASIDE.