We end Olympic week on a diritier note. Here are some fun sex acts you can perform during the Olympics!
1.) Muhammed Ali Torch Lighting:
The male holds a candle as he makes love to his partner. Make sure to play the part by fumbling around a lot.
2.) Opening Ceremony:
Before love making, play really loud music and parade around the room for a while. It will be fun at first, and then start to get really annoying. When your partner expresses their boredom, disregard it and continue on for hours.
3.) The Marion Jones:
When partners are about to make love, the male stealthily fastens a strap-on to himself, careful to make sure she doesn’t notice. He then rocks her world for hours. She will inevitably tell her girlfriends about his considerable sexual prowess. After the male has become somewhat of a folk hero, he has to admit he's been using a performance-enhancing device.
4.) The Wheaties Box:
Take a picture of yourself having sex with your partner giving the camera thumbs up. Have the picture printed out, glue it to a box of Wheaties, and leave it on his/her parents’ dining room table for all to admire.
5.) The Dream Team:
The male invites a bunch of basketball players over to gang-bang his girlfriend. He then will sit back, watch, and realize that there’s nothing he can do to stop them.
6.) The 1998 USA Men’s Ice Hockey Team:
After a particularly disappointing sexual episode, trash the room.
7.) The Tonya Harding:
Hire someone to bash the knee of your rival; a rival vying for the affection of a mutual love interest. For a more fun bonus, just bash them yourself. For a double bonus, gain a ton of weight and become a boxer. For a triple bonus, make a horrifying sex tape.
8.) The Steven Bradbury:
Instead of doing any actual work, the male will find a girl that a bunch of dudes have been hitting on. When she’s disgusted by them, or gets super drunk, the male must snake her away from them and act like he won her affection through a well-earned attempt.
9.) Olympic Village:
Gather people from any ethnic background, throw them in a hotel room, and start a ridiculous melting pot style orgy. Each person must hold their country's flag during while "hanging" in the "village."
10.) Bomb The Olympic Village:
Take a huge dump on the bed during the above event.
11.) The Derek Redmond:
The male and his dad tag team a girl while the son cries and his dad hugs him, encouraging him to finish.
12.) 1980 Miracle On Ice:
The male will make love to a girl way out of his league on an ice rink. If no ice rink is available, you can turn the air conditioner in your room on full blast.
13.) The Kerri Strug:
The male will boot his girl in the ankle and then mount her. He will complete it by giving her a manly haircut.
14.) The Munich:
Break into your boyfriend/girlfriend's house while they're sleeping and have sex with them, unexpectedly.
15.) The Medal Ceremony:
Tearfully belt out the lyrics to your favorite country's national anthem as you perform your country's national sex position (usually doggy-style).
16.) The Jane Saville/Lindsey Jacobellis:
When you're in the home stretch of lovemaking, with the "ultimate-goal" in sight, just fall asleep and ruin everything.
17.) The Bode Miller:
Tell your prospective sex partner how good at sex you are, but then fumble around, performing poorly, and ultimately leave them completely unsatisfied.
18.) The Pole Vault:
This one can get dangerous. There's two ways to perform this act. In one, the girl lies on the bed and the male uses the lamp to vault himself on top of her. The other way is seriously dangerous, but if performed correctly, will earn you style points, and that's it. The male lies on his back on the bed, and the girl uses the lamp to vault herself onto him. If done correctly, she aims herself properly for a "direct hit."
19.) The Jamaican Bobsled Team:
Get super high and make love in a cardboard box. The bobsled part comes into play when you have your friends roll you and your partner down a hill.
20.) Closing Ceremony:
After your coital events are finished, play similar music from the opening ceremonies, and then proclaim that this has been the best sex ever!