St. Patrick's Day is one of the best holidays around, seriously. It's really underrated, but each St. Patrick's day, human beings the world over swarm into bars trying to get drunk or laid. If you're really Irish, only one of those two things will actually happen.
Green Glowing Body Gel:
No, it's not just to "look cool," this body gel is essential for your friends to help locate you when you pass out in a dark alley at the end of the night.
A Beer Bong/Funnel:
You all know how a beer bong or funnel is used and what it's for. This is for getting exceptionally hammered quickly. We don't reccommend using this with Guinness though. It's too thick and Guinness should be savored.
Cool Irish Apparel:
(zazzle.com)
Generally, St. Patrick's day shirts seem to follow a sexual theme, much to the delight of everyone who enjoys sex.
(Viktor Viktora)
Sometimes people feel awkward about wearing this type of shirt, but the truth is, it's a great conversation starter with the ladies. They'll be wasted anyways, so just show them your shirt and go for it.
Green Dye:
For some reason on St. Patrick's day, you are only allowed to ingest green things. That doesn't mean you should leave some meat out for a week before your party, it simply means you can get some dye to turn your beer green. If you're one of the lucky few who vomits, it'll look like you ate a leprachaun.
Irish Drinks:
Ireland is famous for it's drinking, and you will no doubt be consuming alcohol during your St. Patrick's Day celebration. Here are some authentic Irish drinks to provide for your guests.
Beamish Irish Stout:
Not as famous as Guinness, Beamish is another popular Stout in Ireland that is also delicious and fun to drink. Also, you can impress your guests with your knowledge of Irish drinks.
Guinness:
Guinness is the quintessential Irish beer. Unlike Bud or Miller, this is a real beer with it's meal-like consistency. By the way, there's no need to turn Guinness green. A; it's impossible, and B; it's already Irish enough.
Jameson Irish Whiskey:
The most Irish of Irish whiskey's is an order for St. Patrick's Day. Go easy on the shots though, it'll fuck you up.
Irish Car Bombs:
While we're not sure if the Irish Car Bomb is "performed" in Ireland, that doesn't mean you shouldn't do them at your party. The Irish Car Bomb is one of the most fun drinks available. All you need is a shot glass, a pint glass, Bailey's Irish Creme, Jameson, and Guinness. Fill a pint glass half way with Guinness. Put half Bailey's and half Jameson in a shot glass. Drop into pint glass, and chug it down as quickly as possible. It tastes like chocolate milk. Chocolate milk that gets you wasted.
Adult Diapers:
With all that corned beef, cabbage, and Guinness in your body, you're really running the risk of doing something terribly embarassing. Make the safe call, and wear some adult diapers, otherwise you'll put some green in your favorite green trousers.
Corned Beef And Cabbage:
Corned beef and cabbage is Ireland's most famous dish. All you need is some perfectly seasoned corned beef and boiled cabbage to make yourself the perfect pre-beer meal. It's hearty, protein filled, and even has some important antioxidants to boot. You can't lose.
Shamrock Condoms:
When you bring home a sexy lass, you don't want to either catch something, or have a new addition to your St. Patrick's Day festivities next year. Wear these.
Irish Boxing Gloves
With all the boozed up dudes running around, you're going to be in danger of pissing someone off. Either you looked at someone's lady, verbally insulted a favorite sports team of a nearby patron, or just "look funny," you could be involved in an altercation. Throw on these bad boys and tear your opponent up without damaging your hands too badly.
A Liver:
Your liver is really going to come in handy on St. Patrick's day, mainly because it will be filtering alcohol from your blood, and let's face it; there's going to be plenty of alcohol available to keep it busy. If you don't have a liver, keep your alcohol consumption moderate...to moderately high.