At Campus Squeeze, we try to rally against douchebags whenever possible.  There are just so many ways to be an awful, awful douchebag.  Facial hair is a great way to find them. 

 

5.)  Dumb Sideburns

Cool?

Sideburns are tough.  Similar to the mustache, sideburns can be really cool if you do them the right way.  Basically, the uglier they are, the cooler they are, and the more time you put into grooming them the douchier they are. 

 

4.)  The Perfectly Groomed

Does he know that happened to him or...?

Part of having a beard is the way it makes you look unkempt, dirty, or bad ass.  But all that coolness is gone when the wearer grooms their beard with laser-like precision.

 

3.)  The Horrible Pedo-Mustache

The mustache is such a dangerous piece of facial hair.  When done correctly, you're a complete bad ass.  We're talking Tom Selleck level awesomeness here.  But let's say you aren't man enough to grow pipe-cleaner-style whiskers of Tom Selleck's abilities.  Then you end up with a trash-stache, or worse, a pedo-stache.  If this is the case, don't bother with facial hair.  Or you'll end up in jail for a crime you didn't commit...yet.

 

2.)  The Soul Patch

With douchy expression to boot.

Gross.  This one is just absurd.  Who ever thought that this looks good when it's all by itself?  Sure, it gets long when you grow out your entire beard, but alone, it's atrocious.

 

1.)  The Chin Strap

If it doesn't look like someone painted it on your face, you're doing it wrong.

The douchiest of all douche facial hair styles.  What is it about this particular facial hairstyle that's so repulsive?