Your roommate yakked in your bed again, the RA keeps advising you to cover the bottom of the door with a towel when you pull out the pipe and the new computer your Daddy bought you for Christmas keep s getting a virus from all the downloaded porn. You have enough to worry about - why make life more difficult and add a pet to the mix?
Ants are scary man. Piss them off and they could band together, devise a plan and carry you off to an unknown place to feast on your flesh. Look at the fangs on the mother ant, she isn’t playing games, those minions do what she says. Ant farms just aren’t a good idea - even if they aren’t angry, they want out and into your fridge.
Domesticated birds have got to be the saddest and most obnoxious pet wrapped up into a feathery bundle. First, they have their wings peeled back and the bone severed to keep hem from flying away. Then they spend the rest of their sorry lives yapping at you about being hungry. Polly want a cracker? Polly doesn’t want too be your pet.
Cats are independent. Independent does not mean - likes to be ignored and scrounge for food, gaining only the attention of the owner when his wasted, stoner friends tries to feed it some harebrained concoction of beer and tobacco. They also do not like to be left alone for weeks on end while you spend Spring break in Cancun.
Fufu here makes a good friend, but when you’ve been up all night boozing it and he needs to pee - are you really going to get your behind out of bed, walk down eight flights of stairs and wait for him to find that perfect place to make his business? By the way, dog food is expensive, more than that pizza that lasts you a week.
A goldfish is one thing, but pretty fish mean pretty tanks, and pretty tanks mean a crap load of money and maintenance. The average saltwater fish costs between $50 and $150 and has an extremely sensitive immune system. If the temperature fluctuates even a few degrees, or a bacteria spreads through the tank, you’ll be flushing that $50 to $150 down the toilet, literally.
Worst non-breathing pet ever. This idiot never shuts up. He will hound you for this, that and the other. Give it as a gift to your friend’s kid in retaliation for the night she forgot to meet you out for your birthday, claiming little Johnny was stuffy.
Does this monkey look angry? He is. He was just being himself, wiping his poop all along your dorm walls and masturbating to the Discover Channel when you walked in and started to yell. As punishment, you refused him dinner and he was forced to gnaw off his own arm. Shame on you.
Bunnies belong at a 4H fair in the boons, not in a dorm room. They are terrified - you pick them up, they pee. You pet them, they pee. You feed them lettuce, they pee. You look at them the wrong way, they back themselves into a corner and shake. besides, where do you think you are going to find hay in middle of a city? Nice thinking, Sherlock.
You are in college. Don’t even think about it if you ever want to get laid.