To quote the Simpsons episode "Summer of 4 ft. 2"; "Stuff sucks." This is exactly why we've decided to cover a topic every month, and try to cover the worst parts of things. For example, the Worst TV Shows. This month, we're talking about the holidays.
This week: Hanukkah
7.) Why So Many Spellings?
How do you spell this? Sometimes theres a few K's, sometimes a C goes in front, who knows where the N goes? How many N's again?
6.) Not Christmas
It sucks for Hanukkah, not being Christmas and all. It's gotta be how it feels to be Ben Affleck, the New York Mets, or Burger King; you're popular, but just not as popular as something else close to you.
5.) Boring By Day 5
9 out of 10 Jews agree: halfway through Hanukkah we're bored.
4.) Dreidel: Not Actually Fun
Playing with a top is fun for kindergartners. Then when adults play, they're like, "So is this ALL we win? Should we spice this up...put some money on it?" But then you get accused of being blasphemy, and it's all downhill from there.
3.) Only Hannukah Song: By Adam Sandler
Let's just put it this way, Jews aren't afraid of the entertainment industry. They've been rocking the comedy scene for years! So why is it that only ONE famous Jew has written a song about Hanukkah? Get on it, guys.
2.) Giant Menorah's
Every time you see a big Christmas tree, there's usually a giant Menorah not far away. Both are pretty annoying, to be fair.
1.) Not Celebrating A More Bad Ass Hanukkah
Yes, Hanukkah is celebrated for the miracle that while only one day of oil was left for the eternal flame, it burned for eight days, until more oil was available. Some scholars believe that the following events occurred near Hanukkah: Assyrian troops surrounded the Jewish village of Bethulia. A villager named Judith surrendered to their General Holofernes, gained his trust, and got him to eat cheese and drink wine until he fell asleep. At that point, SHE CUT HIS HEAD OFF AND CARRIED IT HOME. When the soldiers found his body they were terrified, and the Jews rose up and defeated the Assyrians. Hey, even if that story didn't happen near Hanukkah, you GOTTA CELEBRATE IT! Come on!