How come TV is sometimes amazing (30 Rock) and sometimes it's god-awful (almost everything else)?  We decided that since TV has so many horrendous TV shows, we would watch some of them and talk about how horrible they are.

Today, we're talking about Numb3rs.

This show is about numbers, and you know it's about numbers because there is a "3" in the title, and 3 is a number!  Is your mind blown yet?  NUMB3RS follows FBI Agent Don Eppes and his math wizard brother Charlie.  Don is a tough, straight-talking man with "no time for nonsense."  Charlie is sort of a pussy, and lives his life in front of a dry-erase board.  With very curly hair.  Does Don understand Charlie?  No way.  How interesting!  That's the lesson you learn in scriptwriting 101: brothers NEVER understand one another. 

There's always time for ridiculous scenes about surfing:

Dumb.

Someone basically sat down and said "Well, we already have CSI.  That show is about science.  And Law and Order is about cops.  Wait.  We should just have some dude do math.  When's lunch?"

Here's where numbers comes into play in Numb3rs.  Every bad guy sucks at math, so they forget to cover their tracks by preventing genius mathemeticians from easily solving their crimes.  Shoot!  Here's a scene featuring something that, fine, could work to solve a crime, but come on.  Watch it first.

Spherical astronomy!  Why didn't anyone ELSE think of that?!  Good thing that guy heard about it once, and that a "Card carrying member of the North American Sundial Society" is a thing you can be.

Here's some more ridiculousness:

Figuring out how people arrange themselves in a diner is SO IMPORTANT for some reason!  The best part about that scene is how Charlie refers to the nerds as "mathmeticians," a clever attempt at not saying "nerds."  That's just some nerd-stereotyping!  You can be a Star Wars nerd, or just plain un-cool!  Come on, Numb3rs!

 

Some genius over at CBS said; "Like you, when I think of advanced mathematic algorithms and calculus being used in the search for justice, I think of Three 6 Mafia."

This is too funny to even make fun of Numb3rs for.  Plus One-Million points.

This isn't a terrible show in the same way that The Hills is terrible.  The Hills is destroying American culture by glorifying worthless celebutants.  Numb3rs is terrible because it's clearly a lame attempt at getting hot in the "crime-investigation" genre that's plaguing American television.  It's essentially every other crime fighting show.  Just substitute "numbers" for "science" or "bad ass cops."  Pretty simple.