To quote the Simpsons episode "Summer of 4 ft. 2"; "Stuff sucks." This is exactly why we've decided to cover a topic every month, and try to cover the worst parts of things. For example, the Worst TV Shows. This month, we're talking about the holidays.
Everyone's favorite, Christmas!
16.) Little Kids
"Let's pray our parents spend too much money on us."
Little kids are rarely awesome. They don't understand things, they cry a lot, have poor hygiene, require constant attention, actually believe in Santa Claus, and still have an overall sense of wonder about the world. And Christmas really brings all of these things together. If they don't receive something they wanted, get the fuck out of the way, there's a real shit-storm coming. Get to the Bailey's, quick.
15.) Going Places
Fuck Christmas spirit.
Not only is it winter when all the snow and slush makes driving a frustrating and often terrifying death-ride, but there are countless other people who are equally as angry as you. And they suck at driving. And everyone's driving because they need to get crap at the store.
14.) Religious Fanatics
Where are we ruining fun tomorrow?
"Christmas is about Jesus!" We get it. Seriously, you're going to get beaten with your own sign if you don't get the hell out of my way.
13.) The Economy
There isn't going to be a Christmas after all.
Awesome, not only do all the good gifts cost a ton of money, but you're broke. Hope these people don't mind all the homemade gifts.
No one loves me.
These folks make sure to bring Christmas down a few notches with their bad attitudes. "I hate Christmas" they always say. Good for you.
Nice chair...did you get my present yet?
For those of us who wait until the last second to get gifts, in can be a terrifying thrill ride through the mall in an attempt to get anything you think a person might enjoy. It doesn't matter anymore if it's a good gift, as long as it's SOMETHING.
"Push that little girl down honey, she just grabbed the last one."
Your family is hoping to impress you with their gifts, so you better impress them back by getting something good. Why does it seem like every store sells nothing but crap?
"Can I go home now?"
How many times do you have to tell these people how your job is going?
Pretty sure that's not considered a wool hat.
There is so much of this on your body.
7.) Excessive Weight Gain
Before: November 25th. After: December 26th.
Thanksgiving begins this trend. Then starting at around the second week of December you'll attend approximately two parties a week, complete with cookies, beer, various meats. Try keeping the pounds off when you're washing cupcakes down with thick winter beer.
6.) Having A Boy/Girlfriend
Hope you like socket wrenches, babe.
There is no stress like buying something good for the person you're having sex with. If the gift is shitty, will they still have sex with you? There's only one way to find out.
5.) Excessive Christmas Music
How come stations play these songs on repeat for days? The DJ's there must rock their ipods through noise-canceling headphones for the entire month.
The soup here sucks anyway.
Charities love to get on your conscience about helping the less fortunate. Unfortunately for the less fortunate, you're not all that fortunate yourself. Probably MORE fortunate than lots of people, but not necessarily in the position to go Rockefeller and give a respectable sum of money.
3.) Your Excited Neighbor
Guys, it's February, let's get rid of the decorations.
How do they afford the electric bill? How did they afford five miles of Christmas lights and a moving manger scene?
2.) Crappy Presents
The fuck is this thing...?
You get a crash course in acting when the person who doesn't seem to understand you lays a shit gift in your lap. No seriously Grandma, I, like most people in their 20s, really needed a coloring book.
1.) Overall Let-Down
Wake me when it's over.
It's impossible to re-capture that childhood joy that comes with Christmas.