To quote the Simpsons episode "Summer of 4 ft. 2"; "Stuff sucks."  This is exactly why we've decided to cover a topic every month, and try to cover the worst parts of things.  For example, the Worst TV Shows.  This month, we're talking about the holidays.

 

6.)  Watching The Ball Drop Outside For Some Reason

Whose idea was it to stand in the cold in January to watch something we could have seen on TV?

 

5.)  Champagne Cork In The Face

Who let the drunkest person at the party open the champagne?  Because now you're on the way to the hospital.

 

4.)  Confetti In Your Eye

"You couldn't have just sprinkled some in my hair?"

You've invited that over-zealous friend over for a New Year's celebration, and when they're very drunk, throw that confetti into the air!  Whoops!  They actually just threw it like a baseball, right into your face. 

 

3.)  The Midnite Kiss Pressure

If THIS guy can get some...

"Who did you kiss at midnite?"  Everyone always asks this.  The answer is "Who gives a shit?"  Why is it so important to kiss someone at midnite?  Grow up.

 

2.)  New Year's Resolutions You'll Never Keep

"Being in shape is for pussies anyway."

We all know that a New Year's Resolution is bullshit.  You mean it for about three weeks max, then one day you get home from the gym, bury your face in a box of Ho-Ho's, and it's "Bye bye nice body for summer."

 

1.)  False Hope For A New Tomorrow

"Three minutes into the New Year, and not even able to deal with the disappointment."

What is this "hope" malarkey and why do we believe in it?  For whatever reason, as you hold your sparkling grape juice, confetti-littering your hair, "Auld Lang Syne" emanating from your mouth, your heart is full of hope.  You believe that the proceeding year will be amazing.  And it just never is.