It has become a popular tradition among college ages, to raid their parents closet, scoff at their poor attire taste and host an ugly sweater party. These may or may not revolve around the infamous “Cosby sweater”, but with the holidays coming up, but a new spin on things and host a “Hideous Holiday Sweater Bazaar”. May we suggest some ribbon candy and Licorice flavored liquor with that?
10. The Random Holiday Decor Sweater
This sweater has random holiday items strewn in a way that will make anyone looking at you Chri-dizzy. And banner ads belong on websites, not clothing.
9. The Classy Tree Sweater
This sweater is for the trailer park mom that wants everyone to believe her perfectly white, ironed sweater was expensive. And that her tree at home is covered in fancy gold ornaments and tinsel, hand strung by her husband. Sugarplum, we all know you ain’t got no husband. Shoot, he left you for the Walmart greeter.
8. The Staple and Go! Sweater
Now this is quality! This douche bag shows up at the party and suddenly realizes that he isn’t jolly enough. So, in a desperate attempt to fit in with all the cool people, he draws a winter scene on a napkin and staples it to his shirt. Now he can breathe easy, the guy with the super cool sweater and scarf is hugging him.
7. The Gleeful Retail Lady Sweater
If you see the glare from this sweater coming at you, run! She will pinch your cheeks and offer you hot cocoa, only to try and convince you that you’ve always wanted a hand knit scarf with matching mittens. She will be relentless in her Christmas Joy.
6. The Frat Boy Trying To Pick Up Chicks On Christmas Eve Sweater
He meant well, the scene is cute and would appeal to all of his nieces and nephews who deem him their hero. But wait! He’s wearing a Santa hat - does he like those underage girls sitting on his lap? Is he passing out punch to his niece’s friends?
5. The I’m Drinking Because The Snowmen Can’t Sweater
This poor schlep just received his homemade gift from his new mother-in-law. Not only does it have flamingly gay snowmen ice skating near his man bits, but it is a button up cardigan on top of it all. He has no balls anymore. Previously loyal friends should find a new football buddy.
4. The Sappy Fellow Sweater
Take note that this sweater is almost the same as #6, however, the guy wearing it has no clue that he is such a huge loser. He is not trying to pick up women, he truly loves holidays. He hands out candy canes to the homeless and smiles like that while he skips down the street in the snow. Sucker.
3. The My Wife Said I Had To Show Christmas Spirit Sweater
“Deck the hall with balls…” - stop right there, this guy doesn’t have any if he was talked into wearing a ho ho horrible sweater like this. Keep drinking your Cosmo…
2. The Iron On Decal Sweatshirt
The cheap way out. Usually for the girls who are fat and ugly, then get a funky hair cut and wear this stupid sweater to try and look lowbrow and tacky. Sweetheart, the face doesn’t help.
1. The I Was Just Released From Prison And Am Home For The Holidays Sweater
He’s a convicted felon, a child molester and he is home for his first Christmas since the New Kids On The Block split. We assure you, he’s all warm and fuzzy inside right now.